To Tell a Lie
by Xovella
Summary: AU. Nalani Sanders came to Atlantis at the request of Dr. Weir. Observe the team. Sit in on interrogations. Find the lie. The behavior analyst specialized in finding the lies that people even tell themselves. When she joins the team, her own secrets start to unravel. This is a very basic summary, just read it! Ronon/OC and a little Teyla/Sheppard on the side. **Please review**
1. I

**NEW AUTHORS NOTE: 1/24/16: Have edited this chapter. I am sorry for the lack of posting, but now I am trying to trim up the first few chapters. Reread updated chapters! New chapters are also in the works! This is not over by far! :)**

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><p><strong>Author's Note: So this is my very first story. Please review! This is RononOC. I am doing this for fun either way, but it would be nice to know what you think. :)**

**The story starts immediately after the episode where Dr. Weir is infected with the nanites, and is induced into a false reality. –She realizes that even though the dream wasn't real, she needs an assistant to take the stress off of her position as leader of Atlantis.**

***Coinsides with "Common Ground" in the 3rd season. The one where Sheppard is kidnapped by Kolya and the wraith feeds on him while imprisoned. I am just using this as a starting place to get a feel on the character.***

**After this chapter, the story will be AU. :)**

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><p>Ronon was just back from a basic mission on the planet Hath with Dr. Beckett giving out medical supplies for a local illness. He intended to report a successful mission to Dr. Weir and Col. Sheppard when he stepped into the control room, only to find Teyla and a woman he had never seen alone in pleasant conversation.<p>

"Hellllooooo, who are _you_ good sir? Why didn't they introduce me to you sooner?" The stranger jeered as she moved to shake his hand. He gave Teyla a confused look that she greeted with a wide grin and a stifled laugh. Teyla doubted that anyone had ever dared to tease him before.

"Ronon Dex." he said as he took her hand in a more than usually forceful grasp, but if she noticed, she gave nothing away. She continued to smile at him with just an edge of a laugh in the corner of her mouth.

"Nalani Sanders and it is _nice_ to meet you." She gave a lighthearted laugh while eying him up and down. Her green eyes practically crackled with energy that could light up the universe.

"Ronon is on Colonel Sheppard's off world team with Dr. McKay and myself. He has just returned from a supply mission with the facility's physician, Dr. Beckett." Teyla volunteered as they broke the handshake. Neither turned to look at her.

"Best news I've had all day, hopefully we will see a lot more of each other. I'm Dr. Weir's new assistant." Said Lani. She didn't take a step back from him, her eyes shifted wildly across his face, filtering and categorizing each expression.

"Why does Weir need an assistant?" he asked. His expressions ranged from guarded boredom to mild interest.

"I'm not too sure myself, I've just met the good doctor, but she put in a request to the IOA to have someone sent out to help her in her off-world duties. It seems that she thought the team needed someone with people skills to broker trade agreements and assist her team with certain difficult people, because she can't be constantly away from her post here in Atlantis." Lani said as she gestured grandly around the room.

"_You_ have people skills?" He said sardonically as he raised his eyebrows. She was standing close enough to see the incredulity in the movement of every freckle.

"Oh, the big man has jokes!" she said with a burst of a laugh. "I have the skills of persuasion necessary if you should ever like to see them in action." She said as she winked at him.

He eyes betrayed a glint of humor, but he turned his attention to Teyla, "Where's Sheppard?"

"He is waiting for you and Dr. Beckett in McKay's lab, along with Dr. Weir." Teyla said. Ronon nodded and without another word he turned and walked out of the control room. Nalani could feel the air around her get instantly colder, his absence stealing the warmth from the air where he stood.

A slow smile spread across her face while watching him walk away. "Well," she said "that was refreshing." She turned to Teyla. "Is he always that loquacious?"

Teyla smiled softly, "He was in a good mood, the mission must have gone well."

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><p>Ronon reached McKay's office quickly and found them all in deep conversation about something on Rodney's screen. Like usual, he was complaining that he didn't know the answers to all their questions.<p>

"How am I supposed to know?! It isn't as if this is a problem that occurs on a regular basis!" Said McKay

"Just tell us what it means." pleaded Sheppard in an almost appeasing voice.

McKay looked at him with astonishment. "It means there in a good chance that there is a ZedPM at this dialing address that the Genii gave us." He looked around to Dr. Weir. "It is worth a chance at least." He said.

"Very well, as soon as Ronon gets back with Carson, take the team and scout out the planet." Weir agreed as she lifted her head she saw Ronon standing in the doorway. "Oh, good, your back. How was the mission?" She asked.

"Uneventful." He said bluntly. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as we can, where's Teyla?" Sheppard asked. Ronan sunk heavily into an empty chair. There was a brief flit in Sheppard's eyes durning the short pause.

"She's in the control room with Weir's new assistant." Ronon said.

"Oh, she is friends with _Nalani_ now, is she?" McKay burst out, "That woman is manipulative and she is _wildly_ inappropriate. She has nothing valuable to offer this team, this city nor anyone in it." He flailed around as he spoke, almost making contact with several pieces of valuable equipment. He struck a standing lamp and lunged to catch it, righting it with unsteady hands. "What kind of jokes did she make at _your_ expense Ronon?"

"She hurt your feelings?" Ronon said, with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Rodney was awfully squirmy about the new girl, whatever she said to him, he was bummed that he missed it. He raised his eyebrows, hoping to entice Rodney to spill the details.

"I- she-"

"She made McKay feel… uncomfortable." Sheppard said with a smile. "It wasn't too difficult for her either, and it didn't make it better that she called him on it."

Rodney looked around incredulously, "Her insinuations about my… endowments… were totally unprofessional." He looked down at his computer screen as he blushed bright red in an obvious mixture of rage and embarrassment. Ronon grinned at Sheppard. He thought of how close she stood to him, refusing to allow more than a few inches between them, never taking her searching eyes from his face. That alone was enough to make Rodney uncomfortable. She pulled out all the stops with him.

Dr. Weir smiled as she moved towards the door, "I quite like her. Anyone who can make _you_ blush is a friend of mine." She winked at Sheppard as she passed. "Tell Dr. Sanders to go see Carson for her acclimatization physical. I want her ready for the field as soon as possible.

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><p>Lani exited the medical bay after getting the green light from Dr. Beckett to find the place abuzz with activity. No sooner than she put in her ear piece it barked.<p>

"Dr. Sanders, to the gate room immediately." It sounded like Weir, but her voice was terse and stressed.

"On my way now Doctor" she said and broke into a run. She had barely been here for a few hours. God, it was going to be a long day. When she jogged into the room it was crawling with soldiers.

"Sanders, where have you been? I have been trying to contact you for 5 minutes." Weir said. Her eyes where hard and worried, definitely a drastic change from their earlier softness.

"Sorry for the delay; Dr. Beckett just finished up with my physical and I am officially approved for active duty, ma'am." She said. The professionalism in her tone bewildered everyone in the room, considering she had flirted and teased everyone she met shamelessly since she arrived that morning, regardless of gender. McKay looked around the room incredulously, not quite as advanced at social graces as everyone else.

"Could someone please tell me why this girl is here, and why we had to wait for her?" he said impatiently.

"Dr. Sanders is a highly advanced negotiator as well as interrogator, and she will be taking my place in the field for this mission, and therefore needs to be briefed on the situation." Said Dr. Weir. "Teyla, fill her in while we discuss tactics, she will have to multitask."

There were lies flying all over this place. She wasn't a diplomat. She had no interrogation experience nor was she a skilled negotiator. She was supposed to be employed here as a behavioral analyst. If Weir just wanted to tell if someone was lying or not, Lani was her girl. This was the lie they had come up with as her cover because Weir didn't want the rest of Atlantis knowing her true purpose here just yet.

A few things were clear, even if it wasn't much to work with: Colonel Sheppard had been taken. By someone, but no one knew who. To be taken somewhere, but no one knew where. The only lead they had was the Genii, who had been historically hostile towards them, but recently had come under new leadership and the relationship was on the mend. After a few minutes of muddled talk around the room the gate activated to deliver the Genii leaders from their home world. Everyone shuffled into position behind the team and Dr. Weir.

"Sanders. By me. Eyes on their leader Ladon primarily. I will call him by name. Scan the others." Weir said in a hushed tone. "Security teams stand by. Lower the shields."

As the unfamiliar men stepped through the gate, Lani was scanning them, looking for incongruity. As soon as Weir could call their leader by name, Ronon was towering over him already questioning what he had done with Sheppard. As they stripped away their guns, Lani studied the micro-expressions of the whole group. It was evident that these Genii at least had no part in the capture of Sheppard and were not lying. Ronon was so angry that he was about to jeopardize all the progress they had made with this new leader. Lani had seen his expression on so many others; frustrated, and confused, he felt backed into a corner and the only way out was this man whom he had to get information from, one way or another.

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><p>"Sanders, I want you to go with them." Said Dr. Weir. "Be my eyes and ears and get them out if you see anything." The Genii leader had given them the name of a planet that corresponded to their own long list of possible dialing addresses taken from the stargate. Lani had no idea what she was supposed to be looking for, this was a raiding mission. She saw little opportunity for her to analyze, that is is Ronon left anyone on that planet alive.<p>

"Dr. Weir, I have no combat training, I will be of little use to anyone." Lani said. She hoped to be in Atlantis at least for a few days before her first mission. No one knew her, they didn't trust her and they wouldn't listen to her even if she did see something. If this was a horror movie, she would be the extraneous character that died first, and she had no intention of dying.

"Hopefully you won't have to be in direct combat; have you ever fired a gun?" Weir asked.

"Yea, just never _at_ anyone." Lani said apprehensively.

"Just stay behind me." Ronon said above the crowd to no one in particular, but at least it made her feel better. She walked up beside Teyla, with a gun she had never used strapped on her shoulder. She shot her a worried look as they were about to step through the gate, and Teyla gave her a reassuring smile. Lani wanted to punch herself for that stupid memory that saw the pinched skin above the eyebrows that told her Teyla was even more worried than her, but she didn't need to be an expert to see Ronon's emotions. She wanted to flash him a smile to ease his mind, but she didn't want him to think that she was being cavalier about the Colonel being kidnapped. Instead she responded to his aggression by not changing her face at all, this was a man who responded to action. His anger would fade as soon as Sheppard was back on Atlantis and not before.

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><p><em>Silent<em>. Lani's heart was punching the inside of her ribcage._ Be silent_. She told herself. The storming of the Genii warehouse began. Ronon threw a grenade in the window. _A grenade? What the fuck? Who is this guy? Why is a grenade his go-to solution here?_ Ronon kicked in the door and everyone rushed in behind him. Not her. _No thank you. I'll just stay right here for a bit._ This shit was crazy.

"Just the caretaker" She heard Ronon say. She let out her breath and cursed inwardly. _Shit_. Square one. She closed her eyes, and leaned back and slid down the metal wall of the warehouse.

_**KAT-KAT-KAT**_

Lani lept to her feet at the sound of the gunfire and rushed through the warehouse door. Dr. Rodney McKay was firing wildly at something in a corner as the whole team arrived at his location.

"Rodney?" Dr. Beckett looked at him inquiringly.

"I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I just, uh, I ... you know, I reacted." McKay said nervously.

"What is it?" asked Teyla.

"It's, um ... a mouse. Really big one, though. More of a rat, really. Possibly rabid." McKay said sheepishly. Lani lowered her weapon with a roll of her eyes.

"This isn't the place, is it?" Beckett looked at Teyla, looking a little deflated.

"I do not believe so." She reponded.

"No. Sheppard wasn't here." Ronon said.

"And we've just wasted two and a half hours." McKay reminded them, in case anyone hadn't noticed.

"Let's move out!" Ronon barked to the team.

"... and a mouse." McKay added quietly.

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><p>Lani spread all the related files at her disposal in a complicated pattern across her floor. She wasn't even halfway done. But the time had come. She had to make a decision now. She was sitting crosslegged in the middle of the document labyrinth she had created for herself. She stood slowly, stretching her stiff muscles, bones and joints cracking and popping in the melodious sounds of an intellectual at work. Her joints were much older than her 23 years. Long hours sitting in contorted positions with your head stuffed into books would give anyone back pain. She really should start working out again. She left her room as it was and pulled on her jacket, zipping it up halfway. Decision time: Was Ladon telling the truth? She took the long walk in the hallway to consider her verdict.<p>

It was harder when she had barely met the good guys, much less the bad guys. She stretched her neck from side to side. She had read the files, and of course remembered every word, but sometimes knowledge is nothing until it is experienced. And now Ladon wanted to go back to his home planet to interrogate his so called traitorous prisoners. She knew that her observations could only come to one of two conclusions, only one of which could be right. He was either lying since he arrived in Atlantis, about everything, or he was telling the truth, about everything. There could be no half-truths. He had been congruent in all of his statements and actions, never changing anything. What she needed was for him to say something that she _knew_ to be true, that way she at least had a baseline to work with.

Nalani stepped into the control room, ready to give her answer. That was before she saw Weir.

The failed mission on the wrong planet had already taken its toll on the doctor. Her eyes were more sunken, the veins under them were more pronounced and the skin on her whole face looked more like jam that had been spread too thin. No one else in Atlantis would be able to tell, except for Lani. She knew what people were supposed to look like under normal circumstances, right down to how many times they blinked per minute, or if they said a word in a different tone than usual. She was the best at what she did and she could spot a liar within three sentences.

"Do you have a decision yet?" Dr. Weir asked. Lani realized how much was at stake. Not just for her. The team was desperate to get their Colonel back. He influenced everything here. So many people cared for him. Teyla and Ronan would be beside themselves. Sheppard personified moral in this city. He had to be returned. The choice was clear.

"He is being truthful." Lani said as she looked over Ladon. This was a lot to place on her shoulders the first day. If she got this wrong, everyone would blame her and a specific Satedan would most likely cut off her head and put it on a spike above his door. Teyla, so far the only person she seemed to be even on the road of friendship with, would always doubt her, never truly trusting her judgments. She had to be sure about this. This was the only way to get Sheppard back.

As Ladon passed through the gate, McKay asked "Why do I have this sinking feeling we just made a terrible mistake?"

"Because we have." Ronon responded with a glare at Lani. He moved over to where she was standing, and towered over her, angrier than she had ever seen anyone. But she kept her face blank and expressionless.

"I am sure about this." She said. If she was going down, she was going down with conviction. She lowered her voice, so only the few around them could hear. Ronon wanted a scene, and she wasn't about to give it to him. "He showed no signs of deception before he knew it was this man Kolya that took Sheppard, and once he found out, he showed undeniable signs of disgust and guilt, most likely the guilt of letting him and those who were his spies get away with this." She said. She took a step up to Ronon, who was obviously challenging her. Her voice amplify in its intensity. "This is what I do. You have what you do best; and it is _very _obvious that impartiality is not your gift. That's a good thing, in your position, but you are out of your league on this one. This is my territory and when I say that I have seen it, I _have_." She said. She glared right back up at him, even if she was far less intimidating being over a foot shorter, she had to show him that he couldn't scare her. Not that she _wasn't_ scared of him, she was shaking in her mental boots, but Lani was not standing down, and Ronon hadn't accepted that yet.

"Why should we trust you? Sheppard was taken only hours after you got here." He said in an accusatory tone. Nalani's eyes narrowed. But what could she say? She could already see that he was the one who asked the most prominent questions, those that no one else wanted to be accountable for, but that everyone needed to hear. He was right, it seemed suspicious, but she had been with another person every second since she arrived here. She knew this, but no one else would confirm that there wasn't mere seconds that lapsed where she could have contacted some enemy she learned about 3 hours ago. She stared up at him defiantly as she searched for the right words.

"If you want to _actually_ question me, fine, but I will not have your misplaced aggression land on my shoulders because you feel guilty about escaping that planet when your friend didn't." Lani said. Ronon's defensive position faltered for a mere second before resuming its original strength, but it was too late, she had seen the truth. Lani raised one eyebrow as a sign that she knew she hit the core of it. She spoke to the few others around her as she turned her attention from him "I know it is hard to trust someone who has not even been here for a full 24 hours, but you can believe me when I say that I know what I am doing. Even if I barely know the man I am doing it for, I will help you bring Col. Sheppard back." She said. Then she turned to go without another word. She needed to go over more documents. She may have a photographic memory, but she needed to actually see the document before it could work, and she had barely made it through a third of the reports on the events that transpired the last time the Genii tried to take over Atlantis.

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><p>Once the Genii leader had confirmed the new gate address of the planet Kolya was hiding on, Lani felt a lot more at ease. She was officially off the hook at least for her little outburst with Ronon, Ladon had been telling the truth after all. She silently thanked her gods and picked up the pace of her reading as she walked, she had only 10 minutes before the jumper departed and she was required to be on it, even if she didn't want to be.<p>

It wasn't that she was afraid of fighting, but she was an absolute realist. She knew she wasn't ready. Even on the uneventful mission to the wrong planet she had been shaky. She felt ill prepared, a feeling she was neither familiar, nor comfortable with.

She boarded the ship and strapped into a rear seat next to Teyla, who seemed a lot more relaxed now than she was on the move again. Ronon walked in behind her and shot her an eerie smile as he sat down across from them. She looked away from him, but she could feel his eyes boring a hole in the side of her face. They rode in silence until they picked up Sheppard's transmitter and one other life sign. They landed quickly and started their silent approach to the source of the signal.

Lani stopped dead in her tracks as she saw movement in the clearing. Something ragged was bent over Sheppard, touching his chest with his right hand. Surrounding them was a circle of men that barely resembled men anymore. Ronon grabbed the creature and hurled it away from Sheppard as he drew his gun. Its yellow eyes met hers for only a moment, but every one of those seconds seemed like an eternity. She saw his desperation. So many emotions swirled in the eyes of the wraith. He had given Sheppard the gift of life, but that didn't matter to everyone else with guns. Until the Colonel ordered them to lower their weapons, she almost felt sorry for the first wraith she had ever seen.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the slow start! I promise more action soon! :) Please review! <strong>


	2. II

**NEW AUTHORS NOTE: 1/24/16: Have edited this chapter. I am sorry for the lack of posting, but now I am trying to trim up the first few chapters. Reread updated chapters! New chapters are also in the works! This is not over by far! :)**

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><p><strong>*I do not own anything regarding Stargate: Atlantis or its characters, sadly.*<strong>

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><p>The excitement of Sheppard's safe return had lasted well into the night. Everyone had been debriefed, and Sheppard had been cleared by a very jovial Dr. Beckett. Teyla hadn't left his side during the whole ordeal, trying not to show just how relieved she was. McKay had not stopped talking long enough to take a single breath, discussing possible implications of what the wraith had unexpectedly done. Weir tried her hardest to listen to McKay's prognostications without letting her eyelids slip shut. The relief had even been apparent in the behaviors of the stoic Ronon Dex, who even engaged in some surprising banter with the soldiers who had assisted them.<p>

The entire city had now turned in. Most of the crew had been working double shifts for the past few days, all personnel committed to the safe return of their beloved Colonel. It was now well past midnight and it was like a ghost town. Teyla wanted to see about a late dinner, her appetite suddenly returning. Lani agreed to accompany her, much more out of desire to avoid the pillow and the nightmares that followed.

"Was that your first time seeing a wraith?" Teyla asked as they walked to the mess. The place was deserted, and there wasn't a soul at any of the tables.

"Well they don't exactly have archive footage of them on Earth for me to study." Said Lani as she picked up her tray with unwanted food. Teyla slid into a table with remarkable grace, and looked at her food affectionately. Lani poked at her food. She had been so hungry all day, but had no time to eat with all the events that transpired, and now she had lost her appetite. She couldn't get over the way the wraith looked at her, so scared and angry, but with a glint of hope in his yellow eyes that made her stomach churn.

"It will pass out of your mind soon, it will not last forever." Teyla said, trying to comfort her.

"No, that's just _it_ Teyla. I will not forget; I cannot forget. Ever." Lani said tossing her fork down. Teyla looked at her with concern and interest. She raised her eyebrows, beckoning Lani to explain herself. "Teyla there is a reason I am here, and I think it's obvious that it is not because I am good with people. Have you seen me? I am not good at being a diplomat." She scoffed. "I am not delicate or subtle, so why would they put me in that position?" She paused for a brief moment, "Because I _can't_ forget. I remember every detail of every conversation I've ever had. I remember every word a person has said to me, as well as their exact emotional response when they say it. No one can lie to me because I can see it instantly, the tiny changes in their eyes or the corners of their mouth. I have an eidetic memory." She put her hands to her eyes and pressed them hard with the tips of her fingers.

"What does that mean?" asked Teyla.

"I can remember everything I have ever seen or heard. I could recite hundreds of books, just from looking at the pages 10 years ago. I read them in my head. It is a phenomenon that is not very common, even on earth. I cannot turn it off, and I cannot ever forget the way that wraith looked into my eyes."

Teyla opened her mouth to say something, but closed it when the door to the mess hall opened. Sheppard entered with Ronon trailing behind. He was obviously peeved earlier that he wasn't allowed to kill the wraith that had given Sheppard his life back, but he seemed to have gotten over it. Sheppard plopped his tray down at their little table next to Teyla, leaving Ronon nowhere else to sit but beside Lani. He didn't even hesitate, he just plopped down and started eating, apparently not holding their earlier disagreement against her.

"I hear I have you to thank for convincing this meat-head to come after me." Sheppard said, looking directly into Lani's eyes. She gave him a small sincere smile.

"Like convincing a cat to swim." She said softly. Sheppard smiled, looking to Ronon, who shrugged.

"Thank you Dr. Sanders." Sheppard was then immediately engaged by Teyla, who had clearly been very worried about him, missed him even... Lani looked away quickly. Invading peoples privacy and minds was an unfortunate side effect of her abilities. She sat there, picking at her food, barely listening to the amiable conversation between Teyla and Sheppard. Sheppard liked to talk. Teyla liked to listen. They were a nice match. She didn't want to look at them, didn't want to see what their body language would say. She didn't want to know how much they cared about each other. Sometimes, she just wanted to mind her own business. She pressed her finger tips on her eyes again. She needed a distraction.

"So Ronon, what is there to do around here?" Lani asked, turning her head to face him, so that she couldn't see the others across the table. She wanted to give them privacy from her mind. Ronon shrugged and looked up at her.

"Anything." He said curtly. He was putting food away at an amazing rate.

"Wow. Informative. Thank you so much for that." She smiled and clicked her tongue. "Are there things to do? Like is there a gym, basketball court, swimming pool, what? I haven't really had time for the full tour yet."

"They have everything, what do you want to do, _Doctor_ Sanders?" Ronon asked emphasizing her title with a sideways smile.

She smiled, baring her straight white teeth. "Please Mr. Dex, Lani is much more appropriate for our relationship." she cooed with fake professionalism.

"Alright, Lani." Her stomach grumbled a little, her appetite returning slightly. He seemed to engage only out of absence of anything better, but at least he was trying. That was more than could be said for most people in this city. She picked up her fork and ate a few bites.

"So. Where are things?" She said in between bites.

"This is a city." He gestured with one hand. "You have to be more specific."

"OOOkkkaaay, what about swimming?" She said. She gave him a innocent smile.

He smiled and pointed to the window, outside the waves crashed against the ancient city. She didn't look where he pointed, but her smile widened. "It's not safe to swim in the ocean right after you eat, could get a cramp. Then I might have to save you." He smiled as he looked at her through his hair. He had a small tattoo on his neck. She watched it as it danced, the muscles and tendons in his neck moving as he ate. It hypnotized her, she didn't want to look away. He was never uncertain. Even when he was wrong, he moved on. It never effected his judgement.

It was nice to have someone on this damn planet that didn't over-think every movement they made. This city was so jammed-packed with scientists and specialists that one could hardly breathe. It was like drowning to try to ignore everyone's thoughts that were plastered all over their faces. She could barely keep her head above water, and this was just the first day. She smiled when she talked to him, grateful that he wasn't demanding conversation. The tension that had been in her body all day started to melt. Ronon offered a calm place to be, an eye in the storm of her overactive brain.

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><p>"We bid you both good night." Teyla said as she and Sheppard began to stand. Lani nodded at them, but she couldn't help notice their body language regarding each other. This is what she was hoping to avoid. She saw their desires towards each other in a matter of seconds. Sheppard was hopeless at hiding his feelings toward her and most likely didn't recognize that he had them, but Teyla was masterful over her emotions. She was obviously more aware of her feelings toward him.<p>

As the door shut behind them, she turned to Ronon, "Why aren't they… together?"

He threw her a sidelong glance, "They have no idea." He said

"Well that's not surprising."

"Why?" he said, looking more interested, turning his head to look at her.

"Maybe because they feel a great amount of camaraderie towards each other, which neither wants to jeopardize with their true feelings, and therefore it blocks their ability to see their other emotions. At least for Colonel Sheppard. "

"You got all that from one meal?" She shrugged. "Teyla's no better." He said with a smirk, resuming his meal.

"How long has it been that way between them?" Lani asked

"As long as I've been here. How'd you know all that?"

She looked up from her half-eaten food. "Oh, I'm just guessing _why_ they're fighting their attractions. I really have no idea."

"But you knew they had them." He said.

"Well, that's kinda why Weir hired me." She said.

"Because Weir wants to know about people's feelings?" He said, raising an eyebrow. Lani had to laugh.

"In a way, I suppose that is part of it." She said with a smile, "More to know people's true intentions."

"I think McKay wants to either marry you or kill you. Those are his intentions."

"God, both those options sound equally horrid." She said with a laugh.

"Yeah, I don't blame you." He said.

She chuckled at the thought of Rodney squirming. "I was trying to get a good read on him, on Sheppard, on everybody. I have a knack for remembering things. I look at how someone responds to a situation and compare it to every situation in the future. If something is different then I know that something is wrong." He looked at her quizzically.

She took a deep breath and continued, "Once I see something, I cannot unsee it. I will always be able to remember it in vivid detail, as if it was happening again in front of my eyes. It is always like that. When I meet people for the first time I already start assessing their baseline emotional scale. That's why words just spill out of my mouth. I say inappropriate things, make sexual innuendoes and make a complete ass out of myself, all to determine how people respond to it." Lani said the words fast, like she was making a confession. "That's why I am here. To see people's lies."

Ronon didn't say anything for a few moments before saying, "Well that's gotta be rough." Nalani let out her breath and gave an exasperated laughed.

"Some images aren't too bad to have in your head forever." She said. "Some moments are so beautiful that I couldn't handle life without them." She pushed her unfinished tray away and rested her elbows on the table. "It helps push out the bad ones." She said in a quiet tone. She hung her head between her shoulders. It was strange for her to talk to someone like this that she'd just met, but it sure beat talking to herself. Ronon looked at her for a moment and then he slid her tray over to stack it on top of his own to dispose in the bin. He walked back over to where she was sitting and looked down at her slender frame.

"Want that tour?" he asked as he started towards the door. Lani hurried out the door after him. She really didn't need the tour, but she _really_ didn't want to go to sleep yet so she let him lead her around the complex in a comfortable silence. He pointed out what things were every few minutes, but other than themselves, and a few graveyard shift personnel, the place was deserted. After about a half hour they arrived in front of her quarters.

"Thanks for the tour big guy." Lani said with a hopeful smile.

"See you tomorrow." He said.

She caught his arm as he moved to walk down the hallway. It was heavy and warm. "Wait, Ronon. Let's go swimming. Right now. Outside."

"It's dangerous in the ocean after dark." He said.

"Oh, come on you big baby!" She said with a playful smile "I'm a grand swimmer, plus I feel plenty safe with you" She said as she tugged on his arm. She didn't want to let him go. She didn't want to think about that wraith again, she didn't want to lose the peace that came with being around him. She would dream about that wraith tonight. If she let Ronon walk down that hallway to his room, her dreams would start sooner.

* * *

><p>As soon as Ronon opened the door, she kicked off her shoes and ran down the length of the dock. She ripped her hair out of her bun as she reached the end and closed her eyes. She focused on the spray of the waves on her skin and the salty breeze twisting its way through her hair. She opened her eyes and watched as the black water broke into white as it tumbled against the side of the city. These were familiar things. Lovely things. Things that were never the same way twice. Her mind took her back to her childhood on Guam, her tiny island where she knew every rock, and every tree. When she would be overwhelmed by her stupid head, with knowing everything around her, she would run out onto the rock beaches of Umatac and close her eyes. She would feel those sensations that were different every time and breathe in that salty air and she would be home.<p>

She stood that way for a long time, lost in her thoughts while the knots in her shoulders started to unravel. Ronon stood a few paces away looking out across the pitch black expanse of ocean before them. Suddenly she seemed to remember why they had come out here in the first place and quickly stripped down to just a grey sports bra and boy shorts. He stood there with his arms crossed when she turned, completely facing him. She gave him a _come and get me_ look, spun on her heel and dove into the inky water.

Her face popped up a few yards from the dock in a mocking grin. "I'll swim alone if I have to, but I'd prefer some company." She yelled in a sing-song voice. She was such a sight as Ronon had ever seen. Her light brown hair turned black and shimmering, fanned out in a protective circle around her. Her olive skin had a faint glow of the lights from the city above, making her almost shine in contrast to the dark water. He kicked out of his boots and lifted his shirt over his head.

The shadows casted from the lights above them highlighted every ridge and muscle on his chest and shoulders. Lani caught her breath as his shirt fell to the ground and he reached for his pants. Unfortunately, that breathe was coupled with an unhealthy amount of Lantean ocean water. She coughed and sputtered up the water as nonchalantly as she could, but she saw the corners of his mouth turn up as he laughed at her expense. She rolled her eyes at herself as he dove in the water in her direction.

In moments his head popped up right next to her, and was bobbing up and down in the waves like a giant dreaded buoy. She looked into his eyes in the dimming light and that black ocean, and for the first time in her life, she worried that she wouldn't be able to remember their intricacies if she looked away. She came within inches of his face and put her delicate hands lightly on his shoulders.

"Lani-" He began but she cut him off pulling her body up so all her weight was on her hands and she dunked him. She frantically turned to swim away when his hand caught her foot and wrenched her back through the water towards him. He tried to push her under the water, but she was too slippery for him and wriggled free. She had grown up in the ocean and she had the upper hand, unless he caught her.

They splashed and fought untill their hands looked like prunes. She swam to the dock and pulled herself up, only to lie back on the ancient metal to look at the stars. Ronon pulled up and laid on his stomach next to her and closed his eyes. The rhythm of his muscled back moving up and down and the sound of his breath was soothing and soon her own eyelids began to droop. She focused on the feeling of the water drying on her skin in the cool evening air. They lay there in the most comfortable silence as they both drifted off to sleep.

Lani woke up shivering as the sun's glow lit up the sky as it was about to rise over the water. She propped herself up on her elbows to look over at Ronon. She couldn't help but see the crisscrossed scars on his back where he and others had tried to remove the tracking device. She reached out to trace them with her fingers, but hesitated. Instead she just hugged her knees to her chest while she looked down at his skin in the grey morning light. He was covered with little white trails where the salt water had evaporated leaving their designs tattooed on his skin. After a few minutes she reached out and poked him in the side with her big toe.

He moved so fast that she barely saw him. He lunged for her, and as his hand curled around her throat, he threw her down on her back into the pier. The anger in his eyes quickly faded as recognition took its place, mixed with panic. He immediately released her throat and picked her up by her shoulders to her previous sitting position. As forceful as he was, the whole event barely lasted a second, and Lani's mind was blank. Ronon looked at her and tried to catch her eye, but instead she just burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she almost fell off the dock. She laughed until her tears ran down her face and she could hardly breathe. Ronon was taken aback by her response and more than a little worried.

"Are you ok?" He asked concernedly.

"Oh my god!" She barely got out in between bursts of laughter. "That was better than a freaking rollercoaster!"

"What?" he said, apparently bewildered.

"I didn't even have time to be scared!" she said as she gave him in a lazy hug. "It wasn't your fault, you shouldn't poke a sleeping bear." She laughed at his shocked expression. "It's _fine_. I'm fine." She let go of him and popped to her feet. "Throw your clothes on you violent man, let's go get some breakfast." She said as she pulled on her pants.


	3. III

**NEW AUTHORS NOTE: 1/24/16: Have edited this chapter. I am sorry for the lack of posting, but now I am trying to trim up the first few chapters. Reread updated chapters! New chapters are also in the works! This is not over by far! :)**

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><p>Rodney was his usual busy, blustering self when Sheppard came into his lab to check on him.<p>

"McKay, I haven't seen you all week, what have you been doing up here? You better not be having a mental breakdown or anything." Sheppard asked him, leaning on the doorframe.

"I have been _hiding_ for nigh on a week from that- that- _girl_. I had to change my routes, my eating schedule, everything." He exhaled the words in a fit of exasperation. "I have been worried sick that she will try to corner me! I want nothing to do with her!"

"McKay, Dr. Sanders is _not_ interested in you." Sheppard placated, "She has probably forgotten all about you. As you haven't seen her since her first few days she was here you wouldn't know that she has stopped with the flirting. I think it is just her defense mechanism when meeting new people." Sheppard eyed McKay warily. "You _do_ know that she was doing it to everyone?" McKay looked like he was searching for the right words. Sheppard nodded, "She spends most her time with Teyla and Ronon, anyways. Ronon and her seem to be getting along."

"Sh-she's interested in Ronon?" McKay stammered. He looked slightly hopeful that he might in fact be telling the truth.

"Probably not, in reality. I think she is just happy that he is unfazed by her forwardness." Sheppard said picking up some bobble on his desk. "It seems she just enjoys it for her own benefit. Plus, I think Teyla encourages her. She finds it really amusing to see Ronon being teased." He looked at McKay. "Weir said you had found something…?"

"Ah, yes. I have found a planet in the Ancient database that has very little information regarding its inhabitants, or resources. Which is interesting to me because the scans of the planet have shown astronomical amounts of energy being emitted above the surface of the planet. The only thing it says in the database is that the planet was not suitable for effective colonization. They have more information in the database about the Asurans!" McKay was obviously quite spirited about the prospect.

"Well that's not very comforting considering how that turned out." Sheppard said sardonically as he rolled his eyes. He sighed as McKay gave him a pleading look. "What is causing all the crazy energy readings?" Sheppard ventured as he humored him.

"That's just it. We have no idea." McKay said, reenergized. "The electrical energy on the planet is causing so much interference that we cannot even make visual contact. This opens up the possibility that the Ancient's had an energy source planet. They could either harvest from the planet itself, or store excess ZedPMs on the planet's surface, without running the risk of them being detected by the wraith or other scavengers." Sheppard nodded. McKay gave his attention back to his computer.

"Did you talk to Teyla about Dr. Sanders? Has she said why Weir wanted her to be on the team?" McKay said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Yea, apparently Teyla's hitting it off with Lani. Says she has a photographic memory or something like that."

"Wh-wait- did you say photographic memory?" Rodney stuttered, as his eyes flew up from the screen, "Why is she not employed here as a scientist, we could use her skills to improve our knowledge of- well-everything! If she had access to the Ancient database, she could be a comprehensive human filing cabinet of information! People with her abilities are exceedingly rare, we need to focus her talents where they could be of more use to-"

"Hold up, there scooter. Take it up with Weir. Doubtless she is privy to her abilities, but for now you should keep your opinions about her to yourself. She might have left you alone, but if you ask her to show you her _abilities_, she might have a field day." Sheppard smiled as he turned to leave. "You might just want to get back on your regular schedule and leave Lani alone."

* * *

><p>In the gym, Teyla was introducing Lani to Bantos fighting. And she was terrible. Apparently, Lani learned that running from your opponent was in bad taste of the whole concept of sparring. She was really good at the part where you read your opponents movements, and memorized their strike patterns, but she was not going near Teyla and those rods.<p>

"You will have to engage eventually Lani." Teyla cooed in a sickly soothing voice.

"I didn't even want to come Teyla! I don't want to fight!" She yelled as she ducked an oncoming blow from Teyla's left hand and subsequently did a skip-hop to dodge her right. "Shit." She muttered loudly as she dodged another blow using a horribly awkward crab scuttle.

"Wow, this is really sad." Sheppard said to Ronon as he joined him at the door to the gym where he was watching the humorous spectacle unfold. "If Teyla can ever hit her it's going to be ugly." He said. Ronon smiled. Lani's curses were getting progressively louder after every evaded move.

"SHIT!"

"If she would just try to hit her back, she could make this a real fight." Ronon said as he watched Teyla gracefully pursue the not-at-all graceful Lani into a corner of the gym. He turned to face Sheppard, "You're worried." He said a matter of factly.

"McKay found planet that we know nothing about. He insists that it is worth the risks, because of what we could gain from the energy source on the planet, but I am not convinced. He is pitching his idea to Weir as we speak."

"PISS!"

"What else?" Ronon said as he turned back to the scuttle. Lani was getting tired, and each movement took more effort for her to keep up with Teyla. Sheppard shot him a side-long glance.

"McKay wants Lani to come. Now that he knows why she's here." He admitted.

"I thought he was scared of her?"

"Seems like he doesn't mind her so much now that she's some kind of savant."

"Why'd you tell him?" Ronon asked. The Satedan didn't hide anything in his voice. He liked people to mind their own business. He also

Sheppard sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "She didn't deserve the way he was talking about her."

"You've barely talked to her, yourself." Ronon said, puzzled by Sheppard's sudden protectiveness.

"Damn!" Lani was losing ground fast. She made her usual move to sidestep Teyla and escape, but cunning Athosian anticipated her and whacked at her shin. The doctor leapt back and now had little room to move as she closed in.

"Even so," Sheppard continued, "I know that Teyla has only said good things of her, and you seem to have taken at least a passing interest in her." Sheppard looked at the big man out of the corner of his eye to see his reaction; there was none. "I trust both you and Teyla's judgment, McKay's… not quite as much, at least when it comes to people's character." He shot Ronon a sly smile. "Listen. Teyla likes her, I'm pretty sure you like her. So I like her. It's that simple. But that doesn't mean I want her on the team."

"I like her." Ronon said casually "She's honest. Not many are."

"Fuuuuuuck" Lani yelled as she made one last ditch effort to free herself from the corner. Teyla caught her in the ribs with her right Bantos rod and came down hard on Lani's shoulder with the other. The younger girl cried out and charged her shoulder into Teyla's gut, knocking the wind out of her and sending them both tumbling to the floor.

Teyla popped to her feet instantly, "Good, Lani. Attack me again." She urged. Lani was still on the ground, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. She propped herself up on her hands and tucked her feet under her in a crouched position. Her sports bra was drenched and her shorts were hitched in her crack. _Fine time for a damn wedgie_. She thought, wishing it was just her and Teyla there to witness her shame. Instead Ronon and Sheppard stood at the door chatting away, watching her get her ass handed to her by a freaking warrior queen. Seriously. If she had an ounce of shame, she would be humiliated. As it was, she was just tired, sweaty and uncomfortable.

"I think you get _way_ too much satisfaction out of hitting me." She said with a mischievous grin, and lunged at Teyla.

* * *

><p>The next morning she was sore from head to toe. Little, rod-shaped bruises speckled her skin. She had been in lots of fights as a kid, but that was more just getting beat up by her brother than anything else. After Teyla beat the shit out of her, she insisted that they meditate to clear their minds. It was at that point that the boys left, obviously not wanting any part of it. She had been here for 10 days. In that time, she had been given little opportunity to actually be an assistant to Dr. Weir. She had observed an amazing amount of suspicious behavior from the crew. But it all turned out to be benign. Sgt. Jefferies was sleeping with Private Kapur had started sleeping together, one of the custodial staff had taken to snooping in peoples rooms whenever he got the chance and she saw multiple privates cheating at poker during the same game.<p>

She sat up in her bed stiffly, not wanting to move at all, but knowing the soreness would get worse if she laid still all day. Also, she was fairly certain that Teyla had more _fun_ planned for her today. She was exhausted from the past week, she was nice to everyone, she wasn't rude once. How long could she keep that up? She groaned as she swung her feet off the bed. She stretched her legs and back as the tried unsuccessfully to touch her toes. She dressed hurriedly, hopeful that if she ate an early breakfast alone, she could avoid Teyla till at least midday. She rushed out of her room and ran her face straight into a giant chest waiting at her door. Ronon looked down at her with a cocky grin.

"I have a surprise for you."

"Nooo! No surprises! I am so tired, I don't want to fight anymore! Please Ronon," She pleaded as she looked at him incredulously. "You are going to snap me in half!"

"You'll like it." His eyes were twinkling. She tried to side step him but he blocked her exit from the door.

"That truth aside, I simply can't spar with you. I can't even walk!"

"Come on." He said as he reached for her, she tried to dodge him and grabbed on to the door frame as his arm encircled her waist. Her hands slipped from the frame and he carried her down the hall with one arm.

"Oh my lord. Fine. I will walk. Let me down." She urged. He set her down in front of him and pushed her gently forward, blocking her escape back to her room with his body. "I'm going!" She rolled her eyes at him. That smile hadn't left his face the whole time, and she wasn't really mad. She should have let him at least carry her until they were up the stairs. Stairs were such a bitch. If time machines were ever invented, she swore to go back and murder the inventor of stairs. She grabbed his arm and he helped her hobble up the stairs.

"In here" He said, gesturing to a room on their right, nudging her through the door. Her eyes lit up when they entered the room, just like he knew they would. They were in the shooting range. Her mouth was hanging open at the equipment in this room. The guns were lined up on the far wall, all different styles and calibers. A small table was set up with a handful of guns ready to shoot. She turned to jump on him, but her sore body wouldn't cooperate and she stumbled into his chest instead. Undeterred, she threw her arms around his neck. Catching her, he gave a light laugh and then set her on her feet and shoved her down towards the line-up of guns that she was supposed to learn to shoot.

He couldn't help but smile down at her. All her earlier stubbornness had disappeared and was replaced with a bright-eyed and bushytailed little girl. She took the 9mm he offered her and weighed it in her hand. She smiled at him, spun around and flipped the safety off in one motion. Her grouping wasn't the best, but at least she hit the inner two circles every shot. Once she had emptied the clip, she turned to Ronon with a big cheeky grin on her face.

"Not good enough."

She stood mouth agape, "What?"

"You're never going to have this shot in real life. You have to relax. You get too excited and jump around. Slow your breathing."

"I don't even know if I could shoot someone in real life." She mumbled under her breath.

"You'll surprise yourself." He said, handing her a new clip.

She rolled her eyes, but did what he said. She slid the fresh clip in place and held the pistol steady. She closed her eyes and let out a controlled breath. She focused on the target and squeezed the trigger. Bull's-eye. She turned and beamed up at him, and he gestured for her to continue. She missed the next shot entirely; she frowned.

"You lost focus." He said. And she started the whole process over again. Close eyes. Slow breathe. Open eyes. Focus. Squeeze trigger. She hit her mark almost every time. "If you do that every time you shoot, soon it'll be automatic and you won't need to focus on it." He spoke softly near her ear. She could feel the heat of his body as he stood behind her, just fractions of an inch away. His breath fanned on her hair and it became harder for her to focus on what she was doing.

"Good. Next." He said as he took the 9mm and shoved a P90 into her hands. It was heavier than she expected.

"I have never shot one of these before." She said inspecting the mechanism. She looked up at him and he gestured to the targets. He wanted her to figure it out for herself. She turned towards the target and released the slide. When she squeezed the trigger, the gun went wild. It was harder to control than she had anticipated, and her spray covered three different targets.

Weir walked into the room silently behind the pair of them. She watched Lani thoughtfully as Ronon adjusted her elbow and she took aim again. This time the spray went into only one target, but that was the best that could be said of her shooting. Ronon was speaking softly to her so that his voice was an barely a murmur. Weir had never seen two people take to each other so quickly. It was an odd pairing, they were so different on the surface, but underneath they were the only two truly honest people in Atlantis.

"You're an excellent shot." Weir said as Lani walked over to her; she held up the used target she used the 9mm on, "Either you have had some practice or Ronon is a better teacher than I thought." Weir smiled in Ronon's direction, though his back was to her, tending to the guns.

"Yeah, not so much with this gun," She held up the P90 "he is a good teacher." Lani smiled glancing back at him. She turned to face Weir and shrugged, "My dad was a gun nut; participating was the only way to get his attention."

Weir smiled, getting right to the point, "Dr. McKay has become aware of your talents. He has made a compelling argument for your permanent placement on Colonel Sheppard's off-world team. The ultimate decision of course rests with the Colonel, but I wanted to hear what you think." She leaned against a table and crossed her arms, "After all, you were stationed here under the pretense of being my assistant in the field, not a permanent member of the team." Ronon turned from the guns and walked over to them stopping to stand behind Lani. She was acutely aware of his presence, obviously meant to comfort her. Instead it strengthened her resolve to lie.

She took some time before she spoke. "I would like to be placed where I can be most beneficial to you and to the mission. If you and Dr. McKay feel that I will be most useful on Col. Sheppard's team then I am more than willing to take that position." She said diplomatically. The words even felt sour coming out of her mouth. Weir looked down and smiled as she stood. She merely nodded her goodbye to them and silently exited the room.

Lani switched like a light bulb, "What the shit! McKay wants me to be on _the team_ all of the sudden?" She exclaimed, turning to Ronon disbelievingly, but immediately saw that it was no surprise to him. "Great, when did you find out?"

"Sheppard told me yesterday." He replied stiffly, looking at his feet.

"And _why_ didn't you say anything?" She barely paused. She swore and ran a hand through her hair, fussing unnecessarily with it. "This _was_ you telling me."

"Why are you so worried?" he asked.

"I don't know, I just-" she paused, pushing her fingers in her eyes, "It's unfamiliar. I don't know what I am doing. What if something happens and I freeze up? What if someone gets hurt and it's my fault?"

She looked up at him and shrugged, fighting back tears, "I'm scared."

"You'll be safe." He said. Trying to say the right thing.

"Please, Ronon, you're the only one around here that isn't completely full of shit, don't start lying to me now." He was busy looking into her eyes. The green of them didn't exist on his home planet, and he had never seen eyes like hers. They had no shade of blue, nor of brown or yellow. They were solidly dull green, like the undergrowth of a forest floor.

He smiled placidly and pulled her by her shirt into a careless hug. "I'll be there." He said, resting his heavy arms on her shoulders.

She looked up at him. The only person that had ever accepted her quirks unblinkingly, treating her like she was normal. In 2 weeks, she had been more accepted than she had been in her whole life. She couldn't lose that, not yet. She slid her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest, breathing in his scent. "I know."


	4. IV

**NEW AUTHORS NOTE: 1/24/16: Have edited this chapter. I am sorry for the lack of posting, but now I am trying to trim up the first few chapters. Reread updated chapters! New chapters are also in the works! This is not over by far! :)**

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you all so much for all the reviews, favorites and follows! They have helped me so much!**

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><p>Lani laid in her bed, too afraid to move. She was happy, if only for a moment. If she moved, the moment would be over. It had been 2 days since Weir came to the shooting range. There was a knock on her door; her stomach twisted. She didn't move. Maybe if she stayed still, she would become invisible and melt into the mattress and no one could ever find her. The knock came again. She groaned and sat up. She felt nauseated.<p>

She got up from her bed and went to the door. "_Colonel_ _Sheppard_, please come in." The hollowness in her voice rang through the room. Books, files, and dossiers all littered he floor, tables, and chairs. There was not a picture of a friend, nor any family. Her long hair was a mess, sticking up every which way, and her makeup smeared across her face. She didn't care.

"So, now that it has had the chance to sink in what do you think about joining the team? Not that I am convinced yet, but I want to hear your opinion." He said, glancing at the state of the room.

Yesterday, she became scared when she found out, but now it had turned to anger. She should have shown her true self when she had the chance. Now, they would expect her to be happy and flirty and carefree all the time. No one wanted to see the demons inside people's hearts. They wanted surface level, smiles and platitudes that no one had to think about too hard. It was suffocating. She wanted to scream.

"I would like to be placed where I can be most beneficial to you and to the mission…" She started to recite robotically, not even attempting to hide her distain. He held up a hand and shook his head.

"Come on, I don't care about this political bullshit. Just talk to me."

"No, I don't want to be on your team." The acid dripped from her words.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to be the encyclopedia."

"What?"

"That's all I would be. I am employed as a behavioral analyst, not to read the database and spew information whenever you need it. "

"Why would you think that?"

"The only reason we are even talking about this is because McKay has some fucked up infatuation with my brain. Nobody ever really wants _me_. If my brain was in a fucking squirrel, he would worship the thing. I think you have the wrong person, chief."

"That is exactly what makes you the right person"

"Excuse me? How the hell does that make sense?"

He smiled, ignoring her question. "Where did you go to school?"

She paused, sensing a trap.

"What is your degree in?"

"Why are you asking?"

"To prove a point, what's it in?"

"I have a PhD in Abnormal Psychology, Neurophysiology and Biochemistry.

"Didn't you teach?" he probed nonchalantly, "Before you came here?"

"Anatomy and Physiology at UNC." She nodded, running her hands through her tangled hair.

"They only send the best to Atlantis, if you're here, you have to be good."

She laughed bitterly, "None of you idiots have a fucking clue." Fire burned in her eyes, it had been a long time since someone had looked at him with so much intensity, "But I never wanted to be here. It was wasn't my choice."

"How's that?" She rolled her eyes and looked at him with distain. He raised his eyebrows and opened up his hands to show his innocence. She sighed, and started to pick up her disaster of a room.

"Somewhere, in the progress of my life, people stopped telling me I mattered. When you are young, people assume that you don't know, when you get older, people assume that you failed." She shrugged, "You get used to people comparing you to what they think you should be, and when you don't live up to it they start ignoring you. If people ignore you for long enough then any attention you get feels like gold." She smiled bitterly at a distant memory. "Then you're given attention by someone who wants something from you, and boom. You're on Atlantis, doing shit you don't want to be doing, all for someone who doesn't give a shit about you. Just because he told someone you were an 'asset'". She never stopped moving, never stopped organizing, and never looked up. "It was either this or lose my position, my reputation and my entire fucking life." She sat heavily on the bed, the frame creaking with her force.

Sheppard was quite for a minute, considering her words, digesting the pain in her voice. "Who was he?"

"He was just a man." She said, shaking her head. "Not handsome, or special or clever." She mused. She flicked her eyes in his direction. "Even geniuses get manipulated by older men."

Sheppard looked down at his hands, uncertain what to say. "Oh, stop looking at me like that." She said catching his eye, with a pathetic smile. "I don't want your pity, that's just the way it is."

He sat looking at his hands. After a long pause he said, "You deserve to be here." He looked up at her, letting his words sink in. "You are improving in combat daily. Your learning curve is through the roof, and you _are_ basically a walking encyclopedia whether you like it or not. And that cannot be a bad thing for us. If you can pass all the tests by the end of the week, I want to give you a shot. This will be your trial period. This mission should be relatively harmless. As far as we can tell, there are no life signs, and we are just going to search for the power source. Piece of cake. If you're not cut out for it, you're out, that's it. You can always opt out, I won't force you stay." He paused, looking at her. She didn't meet his gaze, her eyes were far away.

"Why are you so afraid?" His voice started to rise, getting frustrated at her blank expression, "If you already hate the world and everybody in it hates you, what do you have to lose?" He paused then added quietly, "You could be so different." He stood, rubbing his face with one hand.

He turned towards the door to leave her. "Okay." She said, exhaling. She looked up from her hands, "I'll go on the mission." She surrendered.

Sheppard looked at her apprehensively in the doorway. "Great." He said with a half-smile. He left her sitting on the bed.

* * *

><p>She groaned. She had spent half the day on the computers pouring over the so called data that McKay had on the planet. There was nothing. They would be going in blind. The equipment they were carrying would be at least 30 extra pounds a person. She had just started getting back in shape. That shit was going to suck. The evidence for the energy source was shaky at best. Basically there was just a lot of interference with the signal for their instruments, hardly encouraging.<p>

She say Sheppard walk by the door and she hopped off her perch on a table and hurried after him. She caught his arm in the hallway.

"Sheppard, I don't think we should go to that planet." She said somberly. "The only reason that McKay thinks we should go there is because of that energy. But I can tell you right now, this is a shitty, shitty plan. Like we are the only people that can sense that? Guaranteed, if it is harvestable, someone is already looking into it and they will not want to share." Her words spilled out quickly. "That man is _so_ smart, that he is an absolute moron. His arrogance and over-confidence are going to get people killed."

"Who's arrogant?" McKay popped his head out of the next doorway. She rolled her eyes. "Interesting that you have made this assessment without looking at _any_ of the data on the planet." He said confrontationally.

"_You're_ arrogant. There is no _data_, everything's unreadable! I don't want us to die."

"This is what happens when you let amateurs look to use my data. There is no danger!"

She got in McKay's face, "Every unknown is danger! Every factor you haven't accounted for, every fabric of clothing you are wearing could be a liability!" Her eyes could set him on fire, the green of her irises looked like they would carve a hole into McKay's skull.

"Sheppard, tell her she is out of her league! This is _my_ data!"

"If I am going to be on this team, I am going to try to be as safe as possible. You know I am no amateur, you just don't want to admit someone is proving you wrong on your own playing field. If you can't accept that fact, then fuck off." She stared hard at him. She turned on her heel and left him there in the middle of the hallway. She was going to the gym. Hopefully, by the time they had to go on this shit-show of a mission, she could actually hit Teyla with one of those rods.

* * *

><p>Instead of Teyla, she found Ronon in the gym with some of the soldiers, going over some tactical fighting.<p>

"Thigh, strip, cut, lift, cut ... and finish." He looked up when she entered the room, "Good, keep practicing." He instructed as he walked to where she was. "Heard what happened."

She rolled her eyes, "Already? God, news travels fast."

He tapped his headset. "Sheppard had just started to tell us something about the mission when you came up to him in the hall."

"So everyone heard?"

"Just us, Weir and Teyla." He paused, "McKay's not so bad." He said, "He is just a little… oblivious sometimes. Subtlety isn't his thing."

"I know his type." She said, breaking eye contact. "I could talk all day, and he still wouldn't know a single thing about me." Her eyes fell on his chest as she talked, not seeing the muscle and the substance, but something far away.

Ronon saw the pain in her face. That look of desperation. The frantic need for someone to understand her. He laid a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes snapped up to his. They were soft and sad. She couldn't be here. She had to get away. She tore away from him and ran. She ran away from it all. Every staircase she found she climbed, until her thighs burned and her calves shook. She didn't stop until there were no more stairs left. There was only a door. She pushed it open and went blinking into the sun.

* * *

><p>He found her on the roof of the tallest spire. She didn't turned as he approached. She was gazing across the ocean. The wind whipped around her body, making her rock against its force. Every minute was a struggle to keep standing on that spire. Every now and then she almost gave in, and let the wind pull her off into the sky.<p>

"I wish we could fly, Ronon. Why can't we fly?" She asked numbly.

"We couldn't get everything." He paused, "Brains, thumbs and wings? It's too much. The gods wouldn't let us."

A smile played at her lips. "That's a good answer." She nodded.

"I'm not afraid of dying." She blurted out over the wind. She finally turned towards him. "I have seen death before. I'm not afraid of the wraith or of fighting. I'm scared that I will fail- not the team, or Sheppard- just _you_." He wrinkled his brow "You're the only person in my life who hasn't had an ulterior motive in years. I've only known you for 2 weeks and you are the first actual friend I have had since my brother died. I let him down and he _died_, Ronon. He is buried there. In the sand and clay. And I will never see that island again." She stared hard into his eyes. "I don't want you to depend on me, just for you to die."

"I'm not going to die." He said plainly. She let out a breathy laugh and rolled her eyes. Of course he would say that. But for some reason, it calmed her. The tears that were welling in her throat receded. She saw him. Standing there, squinting against the sun, and her heart rate slowed.

She got very quiet, "My memory is flawless. But it has been over 10 years since he died, and I can't remember his face. I don't think I want to, down deep. Because if I could remember his face, it would be his face on that day. The day I couldn't save him. And the feeling would kill me."

He just stared at her. He didn't ask what happened. He didn't ask her brother's name. He took what she said at face value. He didn't pry. He didn't know what to say and it was none of his business. If she wanted to tell him, she would. And he would listen.

"They keep talking about my '_gift'_," she scoffed "memory isn't a gift." She turned away from him, returning her attention to the waves and the water.

They stood together silently overlooking the ocean until the sun went down. Basking in the light of the orange and pink clouds, she reminded him of a fairytale. She was based in fact, but as the story grew it got altered, until the story you heard was nothing like the girl. Everyone thought they knew her, but it was just the story. He reached over and took her hand, still looking out to the sea. They stood that way, holding hands a few feet apart, until the sun was extinguished and the stars came out of hiding.

The wind had gotten stronger as night fell. Finally, after hours of fighting the gusting force, her aching muscles gave in and she fell. She couldn't hold herself up anymore. Ronon silently scooped her up in his arms and carried her down the dozens of flights of stairs. By the time he finally reached her room, she was sleeping soundly and peacefully against his chest. He set her down on the bed and laid her head gingerly on the pillow, covering her with the blanket. Her face was calm and sweet. All the anger she had felt all day was washed away in her exhaustion. He gave her one last look as he reached the door, then he ducked through it into the empty corridor.

* * *

><p>The days that followed almost exclusively consisted of training with Teyla. Obviously Weir had not forgotten her comment about not being ready for combat. Unfortunately. Weir had promised Rodney his expedition, but he would have to wait one week.<p>

They spent hours in that gym every day. By the third day, she didn't get sore anymore. That was the day she hit Teyla once on the shoulder. It was exhilarating. It was different than anything she had felt before. She felt powerful. The next day she didn't get hit. The sixth day the Athosian picked up her pace. Lani groaned, realizing that she had been holding back. She only had one day of training to go. After their workout, Lani confided in her.

"I'm not going to be able to pass the test in two days. I can't even hit you once at full strength." She said breathlessly.

Teyla smiled slyly, "Lani, how do you think Rodney would fair against me?" Lani laughed, "Sheppard will see that you have been training hard. You cannot hit me, but I fear tomorrow I will not be able to hit you." She rested a hand on her shoulder. "Today, I put all my energy into our fight, and I only hit you a handful of times. You are ready."

"So ready that I could handle the dreaded_ Ronon Dex_?" She said with a smirk, like he was a ghost story for little kids. "God knows I wouldn't mind a tussle with _that_ man." Lani shot her a sarcastic wink, as she enticed a brisk laugh from Teyla.

Sheppard stepped through the door to the gym. He saw the two women, both drenched in sweat and laughing. Lani had a little blood on her forearm, and a bruise on her back. It was peeking out of the edges of her shirt, evidently a few days old and starting to turn greenish as it healed.

"You're cleared." He said casually. Her eyes widened, astonished.

"What? I haven't taken the test yet."

"Yes you have, you just didn't know it." He said, waving away her question, looking smug. She looked at Teyla, who shook her head. "Teyla didn't know either. If she had known, you might have seen that she was hiding something. We couldn't risk it." He said looking up at the camera in the corner. Lani had seen the camera, but thought nothing of it. There were cameras in every room of this city. Before she could say anything else, he continued. In two days we will be heading out to Rodney's electrical planet. Keep up your training with Teyla. Everyone will be briefed the day of." He exited briskly.

"What?" Lani said, exasperated. She turned to Teyla once he was out of the room. "What just happened?"

"They must have wanted to see your progressing skill without your knowledge. This week you have improved at an amazing rate." She squinted at the camera, never taking her eyes off it. "There is much dishonesty in Atlantis, but they mean well." She whispered, more to herself than to Lani.

* * *

><p>The next morning she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was on the team. She still didn't like the situation, but a choice had been made. If she was in, she was in completely, and she was determined to make the best of it. She bounded down the hall to meet with Teyla. She was beginning to enjoy the training, her body didn't seem to like her until she exhausted it.<p>

She came around the corner too fast and barely dodged a very happy Ronon. He smiled as she nearly lost her balance and huffed at him with her hands on her hips. He had barely seen her all week except for short sessions of target practice. Most of her time had been spent on sparring. Lani's earlier depression seemed like a distant memory. She was bright and shiny and new again.

"So, how about that tussle?" Ronon said with a challenging smile.

"Oh my god- I can't believe she told you. It was a _joke_! I can't actually keep up with you, you _know_ this!" he shoved her lightly down the hall towards the gym. "I have barely made any progress with Teyla, how do you expect me to fight _you_!" She backpedalled into the room stumbling over the mats. He smiled at her and kept coming.

"Teyla is with Sheppard." He said. "She said for you to train with me today." His eyes narrowed and he smiled.

"Ooo. What is she doing with Sheppard? Any developments? Have they gone to fulfill their passions?" She was trying to change the subject, distract him from the task at hand.

"She wanted you to have a challenge." The way he looked at her made her stomach drop into her gut. He wasn't going to go easy on her. She groaned and thought very seriously about resorting to fake crying and begging to get out of this.

"Right, because Teyla wasn't challenging enough." She said sarcastically, but Ronon didn't stop grinning. "Oh god, I'm gonna die." she muttered under her breath as he crossed the room and stripped off his gun belt. She was starting to get warm.

"The least you can do is take off more clothes, that way when I lose I still win." she suggested with a worried half smile and lifted eyebrows. He simply smirked and started towards her.

He reached out tentatively for her and she jumped back. He reached out again, but faster. He was letting her get warmed up. He circled her, testing out her agility. She evaded him carefully, fully aware of his experiment, but unhappy that he could toy with her so easily.

She leapt at him. He shot back, quicker than she would have liked. For such a big man he was amazingly fast. She wouldn't be able to surprise him again. He grabbed her with his next lunge and held her to his chest with crushing intensity. She let her body go limp and slithered from his grasp, sliding between his legs. He snatched her ankle as she crawled away and her opposite foot came down hard on his forearm. She scurried away and crouched in the corner of the mat, watching him.

She felt a little spark in her soul. She got away from him. Not well. But she got away. That trick wouldn't work again, but it was a start. She had gotten to know her body over the past week. Constantly moving, reaching out to the edges of what she could handle, she moved like a cat as she eluded his hands.

In only a few minutes his shirt was sticking to his chest. He was breathing heavy and it was like music to her ears. She wished he had bad endurance so she could outlast him, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. He was too fit for that. His damp shirt showed the contours of his skin as it hugged his lean muscles. The skin on his neck was shiny and the tendons underneath moved and flexed with his movements.

"At least they won't be able to catch you." He said. His voice jolted her to the present as her eyes darted back to his face. She didn't mind if he caught her. They were friends, but she never pretending to not find him attractive. She wasn't a barefaced liar. People always said you couldn't think about your friends like that. But what was the fun of having a friend who wasn't fun to look at?

* * *

><p>Wednesday was the day of the mission. They had been briefed. The planet was WRX-2884. The high amounts of electrical energy in the atmosphere was messing with all their readings. They were unable to estimate life-signs, terrain or even get a visual feed. Though Lani hadn't said another word to McKay, no one was feeling very confident about this, except for him. He was bubbly and perky, being extra nice to everyone, which most people found disconcerting.<p>

Everyone was geared up and in the gate room. The address was moments away from being dialed. They were ready. Lani had a bad feeling. She didn't like going in blind. They really knew nothing about this planet. They couldn't even take a puddle jumper, fearing the electrical energy might interfere with the instruments and it would get stranded there.

As soon as they walked through the gate they hit a wall of snow. Above, clouds were thick and glowing, streaked with lightning every second. The huge black and purple clouds blanketed the sky, the lightning illuminating the ground below.

The snow flurried around them. Sheppard looked around to McKay. "Well this is certainly not what I expected."

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><p><strong>Thank you all for reading! Sorry I took so long to update, but I wanted to get it perfect! Next chapter they are on the planet! YAY! I have so much in store for you! :) Leave a review! I love you all!<strong>


	5. V

**NEW AUTHORS NOTE: 1/24/16: Have edited this chapter. I am sorry for the lack of posting, but now I am trying to trim up the first few chapters. Reread updated chapters! New chapters are also in the works! This is not over by far! :)**

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><p><strong>Thanks again for the reviews, follows and favorites! I couldn't do this without you! :)<strong>

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><p>"Are you sure we're on another planet? It kinda looks like Montana." Sheppard said, looking around. The gate was on an island near the shore of a sprawling frozen lake. Lani had never been to Montana. Even when she left Guam to go stateside she had never really experienced snow. This was breathtaking and huge, she had never seen so much space; it was like a land for giants, covered in dark clouds.<p>

They were in a large valley. Colossal mountains dropped into the edges of the lake behind them. In front of them lay a winding river, feeding into the lake. The frozen river twisted from them through an expansive meadow before snaking into the trees and disappearing from view. A single mountain loomed in the distance beyond the forest in front of them, the summit lost in the threatening clouds.

Rodney tapped away on the computer he held in his hands. "I can't quite pinpoint the source of the energy, but it is definitely coming from in front of us." He lifted a hand to his earpiece, "Teyla, can you hear me?"

"I am right next to you."

"Yeah, but- the test." He said as he motioned pitifully to his earpiece, "Is it- is it working?"

"Yes, Rodney. The communications are working." Teyla said condescendingly. She walked gingerly out onto the ice. McKay looked around the group incredulously, then huffed and went to sulk by a giant rock formation, tapping on his screen. Ronon crossed the ice quickly and disappeared into the nearby trees.

McKay spun around. "Guys! This ridge must be attracting most of the electrical energy in the air around us, the interference has dropped! This planet contains an unknown mineral that seems to be acting as a lightning rod." He looked around at their faces. "That's why all the clouds are circling the mountains! My readings indicate that the big mountain in front of us is serving as some sort of natural electrical conduit! It's funneling the electricity down _inside_ it." He smiled impressively pointing at the mountain in front of them. The team looked at him with blank expressions, waiting for him to continue, he always did eventually.

"There's a game trail following the river." Ronon said as he burst out of the snowy trees. His coat and hair were covered in snow, his eyes were alive with the cold. He looked like a wildman from the caves. Lani smiled: he was beautiful and free out here. He looked around at everyone's faces. "What?"

"The mountains are magnets for electricity." Sheppard said.

McKay scoffed, "Not magnets- They're…" He looked around at the group's bland expressions. "Fine, yes. They're _magnets_ for electricity." He threw his hands in the air in defeat.

"Soo…" Began Sheppard, urging him to continue.

"So, if there _is_ a population here, the logical place to look would be around that mountain. We need to make sure we aren't stepping on anyone's toes. The entire population could be jeopardized without realizing it by tampering with their power source." The team nodded. Without power, you were sure to freeze here. The team wasn't dressed for this weather either. Their fatigues were insulating, but not nearly rated for such cold temperatures. They stripped off their packs and pulled tightly packed overcoats on over their clothes.

"Which direction does that river lead once it hits the trees?" Sheppard asked Ronon readjusting his equipment.

"It looks like snowmelt runoff from the mountain. Probably leads right to it."

He led them across the ice upriver to the small game trail near the bank. The snow wasn't as deep and they could move faster. They trudged along single file after Ronon; Lani, Teyla, McKay and Sheppard at the rear. They walked silently for a few minutes, the crunching of their footsteps in the snow forming a noisy melody. The snow was falling lazily from the sky, like it had given up its earlier attack.

"You talk to McKay?" Ronon asked. His voice was barely audible in the forest. It rumbled over the snow and the pines.

"About what?" She asked nonchalantly. He shot her a brief glance over his shoulder. She sighed. "There are no second chances, not really. Words are binding. Whether we like it or not, what we say matters. Words mean ideas, and once ideas are out there, you can't take them back; you can't change them, you can't kill them. You can apologize, but it will always be there, between you, like a wedge."

"So that's a no?" He said. She thought she detected a hint of a smile in his voice, but she couldn't see his face.

"Yeah. That's a no." She looked up at the snow-covered trees. "He hasn't talked to me either."

"Don't hold your breath." He was smiling, she was sure of it. She couldn't see what was in front of him, his giant snow dusted shoulders blocked her view. His hair was almost completely white now and he shook his head, ridding his hair of the snow that had accumulated. In that moment he reminded her of a stray dog; alone so long that he was still distrustful when a family finally took him in and then overprotective once they won his trust. He acted much older than he looked, moving with caution and innate mistrust.

They walked through the snow for at least an hour before they reached the foothills of the mountain. The path wound up steep ridges which produced frozen waterfalls and crystalline rapids. The pristine white world was only dampened by the incessant whining of Dr. Rodney McKay. Finally, a clearing appeared in front of them.

"Structure." Ronon called in an undertone. They all stooped and hid behind trees and snow drifts. Even though they were looking for precisely this, they had to use caution. The structure was little more than a barn, though it was rather large. It looked residential, able to house several families in one. There was a sizable chimney apparatus in the center of the roof and smoke was trolling lazily from the opening. Most likely it was one of many in the area.

"They could be friendly." McKay whispered, eager to further his quest for unlimited energy.

"Or they could not be." Sheppard cautioned. Lani saw a flicker in Sheppard's eye. She had read the file. She knew what he was worried about. They could recognize Ronon, and contact the wraith. That was always a possibility, and the last time was still fresh in everyone's mind.

"What do you think Ronon? Have you been here before?" Sheppard asked.

The big man shook his head. "I don't think so." But he didn't look certain. He ran from the wraith for 7 years. That was a lot of days. A lot of possibilities.

"The relationship between the lightning and the minerals in the soil indicate that the thunderstorms on this planet are either constant, or extremely commonplace. If that is the case it would be persistently raining or snowing." Offered McKay a little too loudly, trying to jog Ronon's memory.

"It doesn't look familiar." He assured them, looking more confident in his answer.

"Ok." Sheppard said, "Approach with caution."

They moved carefully towards the door as Ronon covered the area inspecting all the tracks leading to and from the barn. Most were faint from the recent snowfall, but he pointed out the freshest tracks that led away into the forest on the far side of the barn.

"They walked single file to hide their numbers. I can see 10 sets of tracks, but there were more." He said as he inspected the fading tracks in the snow.

The team arranged themselves on the sides of the door. Sheppard nodded to Ronon and he pounded on it with a closed fist. "Hello? Anyone home?" Sheppard called. They waited for a response, but other than the silent fall of white flakes from the sky nothing moved. "Hello? We are friendly! We just want to talk!" Sheppard reached up and tried the rudimentary latch, it slid easily out of place and he pushed the door gently open.

It smelled like a barn, maybe it was for livestock instead. The room was dark except for the large fire pit in the center, burning low but the embers were still bright. They entered cautiously as their eyes adjusted, the large room was empty. Ronon crossed to the pit and it only took a few pokes to revive the fire. Only then did he notice the familiar smell. He dug a branch from the flames and shone it around.

Pine needles covered the floor, giving an alpine aroma to the blood that was soaking through them. He lifted the torch to the ceiling. Bodies hung from the rafters, still dripping their life force onto the cold ground below. Sheppard's weapon came up immediately as he and Ronon swept the remainder of the barn. The floor was littered with mismatched viscera and intestines. Ronon stooped to look at what appeared to be the remnants of a liver. There were teeth marks where the left lobe should have been.

"They've been fed on." He said in a quiet voice.

"Wraith?" Lani asked.

"No." He looked up at Lani and his eyes were cold. She swallowed hard and scaled a bloody ladder that led to the loft, careful of where she put her hands. She shone her flashlight on the bodies. The lucky ones were hanging by their necks, but some were hung by their feet, blood dripping down their faces and dangling hands. Skin was missing in haphazard sections across their bodies. Their faces were unrecognizable as human. Eyes, ears and noses had been taken at random. Bite marks littered the bodies, chunks of muscle were exposed where sharpened teeth had sunk in.

"It doesn't smell too bad in here yet. The tracks outside are recent. We missed them by minutes." Ronon said as Lani hopped to the ground, skipping the last steps of the gory ladder. She held his eyes and he saw no emotion there. His resolve hardened. "We need to leave. Now."

"Who but Wraith would do such violence?" Teyla gasped, her voice cracking. Her feet had frozen at the door, unwilling to take her deeper into hell. McKay stood in the center of the barn, staring up at them. His face was pallid and ashen. His lips lost all color and he was breathing heavy. His eyes rolled back in his head and Lani reached for him, thinking he was going to faint, as he retched all over the pine needle floor.

"Men." Sheppard's eyes reflected the fire and blood of the room. They shone with hatred and violence. These people were toyed with. Amusement for some fucked up group of animalistic men. And they _were_ men. The only tracks out of this place had been human. Humans did this.

They walked out of the barn changed people. No one would look at life the same, knowing that humans were capable of greater horrors than the Wraith. None of them said anything. They walked briskly down the exact path that they came by, hurrying to escape the terror behind them. They weren't half a mile down the path when McKay broke down.

"Why did they do this? Why are they _doing_ this? Who are they? What do they want?" McKay was starting to convulse in his effort to spew out as many questions as he could in the least amount of time. With every word his voice escalated, by the end he was screaming, hunched over in the snow. Everyone tried to hush him.

"They do this because they _want_ to, they _like_ it." Lani's harsh voice cut through the rest. He looked up at her with terrified eyes. She got closer to his face, their breathes mingling in the frigid air.

"You know in all those old comic books when the villain has the hero pegged, dead to rights, but he gloats and tells them how he did it? Hubris? That's not the way it is; no one monologues in real life. The villains don't divulge their plans. You are just in the dark. You don't know who they are or why they're doing this. You don't know what their next move is. There is just _fear_." Her fervent whispers cut through the icy air. The whole team was listening with rapt attention. McKay was registering what he had just witnessed, his eyes were going back and forth remembering the scene. "We have. To. _Move_." She emphasized each word pointedly.

His head snapped up. "They heard me." The color drained from his face. "It's my fault." He whispered. He was right, they could all hear them now. The sound of their savage yells travelled through the snowy forest. They had found their trail. McKay's lip trembled as he looked to Sheppard with pleading eyes.

"Run." Sheppard whispered.

They took off in a sprint in the deep snow, retracing their steps back to the gate. They stumbled over stumps and fell on rocks, even Ronon slipped once. The yelling only got louder, they couldn't outrun them. The panic started to seep in as their breaths came quicker and Lani could feel a stitch in her side forming. Branches and bark ripped at their hair and clothes, not one of them slowed for even a panicked look behind. On the top of a steep ridge they stopped to climb down beside the frozen waterfall when she saw it.

"Cave." Lani wheezed, "_Cave_." She pointed at a tiny opening behind the frozen glass waterfall. It was accessible from the top of the ridge if you crawled across the rocks. Lani clambered to it and ducked her head in. It was surprisingly large, enough for all of them to fit, and deep enough that she couldn't see the back. "We can all fit." She whispered, hopeful.

"We cannot hide. They will see our tracks, we _must_ run" Breathed Teyla.

"They're getting closer, we _can't_ outrun them. It's _miles_ to the gate." McKay heaved. He couldn't go much longer, he was running out of steam. He was made for the lab, not for this.

"Ronon and I will run a hundred yards down the path and then double back. If we're lucky they may be going too fast to follow our trail closely. Hopefully they will pass us by at least once and muddle up our tracks enough to be unreadable." Sheppard was talking so fast that Lani could barely understand him. He pointed at the three of them, "Get into that cave and _no one_ make a sound." Teyla followed McKay to the opening and pushed him inside before sliding in after him.

"Can you fit in that gap?" Lani asked Ronon.

"Don't worry about me." He said. Sheppard nodded and ran down the path. Ronon shot a last look at Lani. "In." He ordered, and took off after Sheppard.

She did as she was told, scared that he may not be coming back. She ducked into the cave and huddled in the darkness with Rodney and Teyla. He was shaking, too afraid to even breathe. Teyla's gun was up, ready to shoot any monster that found that cave. Lani felt almost sorry for McKay. He had unknowingly brought the danger to their doorstep. The guilt in his face was overwhelming and she pitied him. She rested a reassuring hand on his trembling shoulder. The men may have already heard them and would have found their trail anyway. It didn't matter anymore. They were coming, and having someone to blame didn't change that fact.

A lifetime passed her by in that cave waiting for them to return, though it was barely minutes. Every snowflake took days to land, every breath was hours. She was truly afraid for the first time in her life. No fear that she could have imagined could compare to the terror that she felt now. Her breaths were steady and even, and in stark contrast to the other breaths she could hear; the ragged and suffocating breaths of Rodney and the quick, shallow breaths of Teyla. Her only comfort was knowing that she couldn't feel more fear than this.

Finally, she saw Sheppard and Ronon run up the path and could hear them scale down the ridge toward the cave. Only a few more seconds and they would be safe. The cries were close to them now. John slid easily inside the ice and rock doorway, but Ronon was apprehensive. He stripped off his jacket and tossed it to Lani then decended the cliff. He slid half his body in, but his chest was too thick, he couldn't get through. Only then did Lani prove herself wrong. She _could_ feel more fear.

"I could run." He said looking at Lani as she held an arm out to him.

"No." She whispered harshly. "Down. It's wider at the bottom." He squatted, and it got him further inside, but not far enough. Lani grabbed his arm and pulled with all her strength and he slid inside the rest of the way. She let out a breath. He was safe.

They quickly retreated to the back of the cave, where they huddled in the darkness. Ronon put his arms around Lani and held her to his chest, she watched intently out the opening. Barely a minute had passed when the screeching seemed to be on top of them. Maybe they had been wrong, maybe these were animals. Their yells were primal and animalistic, made up of nothing but snarls. When the first one ran through the snow past them they realized they were indeed men. Or at least a form of man.

They flew by so fast that they were almost a blur, but they were bipedal. The constant lightning made them look all the more menacing. Their arms were bare, but covered in tattoos or paint. Their clothes were thin and patchwork and their hair was matted. Some didn't wear shoes and ran through the snow without noticing the cold. They carried an assortment of weapons: sythes, swords, axes and farming tools. They were so fast, she didn't know how they could keep that pace without hurting themselves. Rodney clenched his eyes and his mouth shut and cried silently into his hands.

Each one that passed was a blessing, more tracks to cover their own; their frozen, bloody feet carrying the monsters farther and farther away. 13… 14… 15… She squatted in the cave with the others, her back pressed to Ronon's chest and his arms around her, and counted them as they passed. There were so many. 18… 19… 20… She stiffened in his arms as a body fell from above them. One of the men had jumped off the waterfall, and fell to the frozen river below, cracking the thick ice. Not one of the others so much as glanced his direction or slowed down. The man sprang up and sprinted down the river's slick surface like nothing had happened. The only telltale sign was the blood he left behind in the fissures of the ice.

Who the fuck were these people? All of them were men. Not a single woman or child. They should be freezing to death. They showed no pain, or they felt no pain, she couldn't tell which. They were inhuman men. That fall should have killed him or severely hurt him at least, and there was a pool of blood in the dented ice. She had lost count of the men tearing the terrain apart searching for them. They must have numbered over thirty. As the last monster passed the waterfall on his bloodthirsty search, they all let out their breaths, feeling themselves slipping from danger's fingers.

Lani clutched the muscular arm that held her steady, feeling her strength draining as their horror ran further down the path. Ronon stood up, dragging her along with him. He clutched her to his chest supporting her weight as their breaths slowed, and she realized he was just as scared as the rest of them. She held him around the waist tighter every second until they were both clutching each other. The sounds of war cries were dying in the snow. When she opened her eyes, Sheppard's arms were secured around a very compliant Teyla. McKay was unconscious on the floor of the cave, slumped against the wall.

"I love you, Teyla." Sheppard blurted out, "I was scared out there. Not because I might die, but because I might die without telling you that you are the most important person in my life." Teyla gave him an exhausted smile. She wouldn't say it, but everyone could see the truth in her eyes. His lips crashed down onto hers locking them in a fervent kiss. She grabbed the scruff of his neck and pulled him deeper into the kiss. Lani grinned and looked up at Ronon. His mouth held a slight smile as he looked at the couple. Lani exhaled and buried her face in his chest. She felt him hug her tighter to his body and his face lean down and nestle her hair, his lips resting on her scalp.

Rodney was now conscious and looking around at the two couples. He groaned, "And I am the 5th wheel _again_. I knew I should have brought a date." Sheppard and Teyla didn't seem to notice him, but Lani smiled. She broke away from Ronon and knelt on the floor next to McKay.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. His eyes flicked to her face, suspicious. She smiled wearily at him, resting a hand on his shoulder.

He sighed and rested his hand on top of hers. "Me too."

"It's not over." She said looking into his eyes, "They're like animals. They'll try to track us." He nodded and looked to Ronon for confirmation. There was barely any hope in his eyes that it wasn't true. The main danger had passed, they had destroyed their tracks, but they could still find them.

"We're in for a long night." Ronon agreed. As he spoke, the war cries became audible again. The monsters knew they had been tricked. They were coming back.


	6. VI

**AN: (To interested readers!)**

**Ok. I am so sorry for the long wait! Thank you for all the people who reviewed, followed and favorited while I was on my surprise hiatus! I also thank the readers who messaged me, urging me to write! You encouraged me so much! I went through some major life changes, including getting 2 puppies, changing careers and going back to school! It has been great, but I have missed my stories. **

The night was indeed long. And cold. Colder than Lani had ever been. They were not well equipped for this weather, and they couldn't risk the fire. No one slept. the sounds of blood curling screams echoed throughout the cave. They all huddled in the back of the cave in a frozen ball of shared body heat.

More descriptions of the night and the terror could not readily equip the reader for the unending terror they faced that night. In the early morning, the sounds grew farther away until they finally died altogether as the sun was rising from its nightly tomb. As the life affirming star rose from behind the mountain there was the sound of delicate, cautious footsteps on the foot torn path outside.

"Hello?" A small voice penetrated the frosty morning air, "Are you still in there?" Ronon went to the edge of the cave and motioned for everyone to stay back. He poked his out his head and saw a small stooped old man with his own scraggly head poking out from behind a tree close to the path. The old man wearing rose colored sunglasses wiggled his fingers in the air and smiled wide, showing an improper number of teeth.

"Ready to come out now?" he whispered. "The Dahl have gone, but they'll be back." Ronon motioned to Sheppard and squeezed through the cave opening, "They don't like the Sun." The old man gestured to the sky. The clouds had parted and a small, solid beam of light shown on the valley.

"The Dahl?" Sheppard asked, sliding through the opening.

"I thought you had the pleasure of meeting our local savages?" The old man said with a cheeky smile. His face changed when the rest of them emerged from the cave. "Woo... There's a lot of you." he stepped out from behind the tree, scratching his bearded face. "You're getting frostbite." He pointed to Teyla's fingers which were red and painful. She looked down and rubbed her frozen digits.

"We were not prepared for a night out in this weather." She said calmly, flexing her fingers. He eyed them awkwardly, Lani was very quiet, her eyes slightly glazed over with the cold. He was wringing his hands furiously.

"Welp, better get you inside huh?" He turned abruptly to lead them up the path.

"Shouldn't we just make for the lake?" Sheppard asked.

"If you think you can make it before the sun goes away and they catch up to you, be my guest" He said, scurrying away. He moved fast and easy, with the wiry body of a younger man than he appeared to be. They hurried after him through the snow away from the lake and their path back to Atlantis. As he led them through the rocks and the cliffs, Lani slipped several times, landing in the deep snow. The cold and lack of sleep were not helping her concentration. Her balance was off and she was shivering so hard it hurt.

They walked for over a half hour before they emerged from the steep climb through the trees into a clearing at the edge of an abandoned village. Lani fell a final time and sank deep into the powder. If it weren't for the steady arms of the team lifting her up, she would have sat there till she died. The snow was up to her waist where she had stumbled off the trail. She was so tired and wet, but not as cold. She had stopped shivering.

The houses were freshly burnt and dilapidated in neat little rows, some of them were still smoldering. The only house standing was small at the far end, a thin plume of smoke rising from the hatch. It was different than all the others, it was made from some sort of animal hide, soaked in oil, and stretched over a wood frame. "The only way to avoid them is to be where they've already been." he waived them in the small hut as he held the door flap open.

"Doesn't offer much protection." Sheppard observed. Ronon continued past the entrance as he made a perimeter check around the small house. The little space was sparsely furnished, obviously temporary, but tidy, with a dying fire in the middle of the floor. Teyla had already found the fire and was trying to resurrect the flames to warm her numb body. Mckay plopped on the dirt floor near the flames and breathed heavily, savoring the relative safety that this place offered. Lani wandered aimlessly around the house, until Sheppard guided her gently by the shoulders toward the fire.

"Don't need it." The old man said as he secured the door, "If the Dahl find me I'm dead already, might as well save myself the waiting. Hahaha" he laughed a little

"How long have you been here?" Asked Sheppard.

"I've lived on this planet my whole entirely too terrible life. I just got to this village yesterday, they hit it the day before. Already abandoned." He surveyed their confused expressions through his rose colored lenses. "I follow them. It's safer. Directly behind them is their only blind spot. I'll stay here for a few days and move on when they do."

"They hit a farmhouse yesterday. We couldn't have missed them by much when we found it." Sheppard offered. He wanted to see his reaction to the murder of dozens of people.

"The Gillman Place," he nodded like he was reading the morning paper, "I saw the smoke. Their barn is the gathering place for that community. I thought I would have more time to warn them." Lani looked up at him, her mouth opening and closing in an exasperated effort to communicate. He broke eye contact as soon as their eyes met.

"You knew them?" Sheppard asked.

"Of them." He scratched his head and stretched. "Old Gillman was a retired councilman from one of the old cities closer to the mountain. He was as prepared and well equipped as anyone out here."

"What is happening here?" Teyla asked, finally getting to the question at hand.

The old man gave a toothy grin and gestured around the room in a semicircle "Life! My dear woman! Life is raping and murdering its way into eternity, just like it always has." He seemed at ease and resigned to the life he was living with short sighted optimism.

"We are not aware of the situation on this planet." Teyla said through chattering teeth.

"None of it?" The old man asked, his darkened eyes mischievous in the firelight.

"None of it." Answered Sheppard. He moved between Teyla and the old man.

"Well, I lose track of when all of it started." He gestured around himself. "3 years ago? I was away when my village was hit, collecting from the Source. No survivors. Never are." He looked at them and observing their ignorance. "Where are you from?" He asked, his eyes twinkling with inner fire and a hint of madness.

Lani was frozen from head to toe, and she was more enthused about being locked in an excited maniac's den than she should have been, but she was so cold. She could only think of blood, cold, screams, stench, cold, cold, cold, into oblivion. She was getting warm too fast and the room was spinning. She fell to her hands and knees on the floor, and if she had had anything in her stomach it would be on the ground. She coughed and heaved and finally rolled over on her back breathing heavily. The fear of the night was coming back to her in waves of nausea and fits of shaking. Teyla propped her up next to the fire where she had fallen, still unable to speak.

"We came through the gate." Sheppard said, unsure of how much to reveal about their mission, but happy they found a source of information at last. He looked at Teyla talking softly to Lani, trying to get her properly conscious again. Lani needed to be on her game right now. Instead, she was well into hypothermia, barely hanging on to consciousness.

The old man whistled low. "I didn't know that fucker on the lake was still in business. The thing hasn't been used in 20 years."

Ronon entered the small room from the outside and shook the snow from his hair. "It's clear." He said nodding to Sheppard. The old man backed away from the door and sat on a small luggage chest. Ronon looked to the fire and noticed the worsening condition of Lani.

"She's too cold." He whispered gruffly to Teyla.

"She is not cooperating." She shot him a worried glance. "We need to get her warm." Ronon nodded gravely, while the old man continued talking to Sheppard, unperturbed by the situation.

"Well." The old man sighed as he stretched and dug into his jacket for a pipe and tobacco. "I suppose I ought to fill you in." He built his smoke slowly and nervously; his eyes shifted almost imperceptibly under his rose glasses from person to person. Sheppard was losing his patience, watching the old man build his smoke with shaky fingers. He stared daggers at the old man until he finally lit the damnable thing.

"I'm sure you noticed the lightning over the Mountain? We used the energy to power our homes and buildings across our entire planet. There used to be huge cities spanning for miles with buildings four times the height of our tallest trees. That ended some years ago." He pulled blankets from the wooden chest under him and handed them out to the company, still puffing hard on his pipe. "Our people got greedy. We built our cities closer and closer to the Mountain for faster and more powerful energy. Little villages like ours had to send Collectors to the Mountain, bringing back a few month's supply at a time."

Ronon took two blankets from him gruffly and turned to where Teyla was trying to take off Lani's soaked jacket and boots. "I don't need help! Stop it! I am fine!" Lani screamed as Teyla whispered to her, "Lani, you cannot wear these clothes." She said, tugging gently at Lani's clothing with still numb fingers. "They are wet, you will become ill." She glanced at Ronon, unsure of how to proceed. He simply picked Lani up under the shoulders and held her close to his chest. She whispered, "_Jed... I have to find Jeda... he needs me... he doesn't know..."_ She babbled on but was mostly compliant as Teyla peeled off her shoes and her soaked pants.

The skin of her legs was red and blotchy with patches of white. Teyla immediately wrapped a blanket around the freezing legs and began working on her upper body. Ronon set her on her feet, gripping her tightly by her hips. Her skin was clammy and icy, he could feel the warmth of his hands being stolen by her heat-starved body. He had not been as effected by the cold as the women had. They had less mass compared to their surface area than him. They lost heat faster than he did, and it had taken its toll. Teyla finished removing Lani's undershirt and took her bundle of clothes to lay out to dry near the fire, leaving Lani only her sports bra and panties. Ronon shrugged off his own coat and draped it over her shoulders gently, careful to keep one hand on her waist. Lani looked like a wet cat, made skinnier by the large coat and blank stare. He hugged her tight to his chest and rubbed her back on the outside of the coat while his other arm encircled her waist underneath to hold her erect.

"Nalani" He whispered into her hair, "You need to come back." Her face was vacant as he tried to reach her through the veil.

Teyla had finished with the clothes and crossed to them to retrieve the blankets from the floor. Ronon scooped Lani into his arms and laid her gently onto an outstretched blanket. Teyla began to wrap the other blanket around her. Lani was progressing poorly and she tried to escape the blanket, kicking wildly. She fought and scratched at Ronon's face, not recognizing him as her friend. Working as a team, Teyla and Ronon got her wrapped so tightly in blankets that she couldn't move if she wanted to. Ronon sat next to her, his face lightly crossed with red marks where her nails found their mark. He was near exhaustion himself, but he held Lani close, letting her lean on him as she slipped in and out of consciousness. All the while, the old man was telling them about the plague that had become his planet.

"The closer people lived to the Mountain, the more it began to change them." the old man began, "It was subtle at first. Just irritability, stomach cramps, jaw pain and general discomfort; nothing serious, but a pervasive feeling of being not quite right, plagued most of the people near the Mountain. That was before the big campaign. The search for the 'source of the Source' they called it. The big companies started tunneling, looking for a way to duplicate the Mountain's wellspring of unending energy. They talked about building cities down south, far away from the mountain, where the weather isn't affected and the sun shines and the air is warm. It was a fairytale, one that almost all the people bought, including me. I voted for the goddamn tunnels." He shook his weary head.

"It was the exposure from the vents. They hit a bad pocket of air. I am not sure what it is, radiation, chemical poisoning or what. But it is death and madness. Soon, weird things started happening. Babies were born with gruesome birth defects, people rotted away from the outside in and dogs tried to eat their own tails. The workers were the most horribly affected. They started to lose their memories, people not old enough to be senile. They would lose whole days where they didn't remember going to work at all. The workers in the tunnels would apologize for mistakes they made a week ago, thinking they hadn't told anyone yet. Then came the violence." He paused, staring in the flames almost wistfully. "At first the officials thought it was just a side effect of the frustration caused by memory loss, then they realized that the dogs weren't the only ones eating themselves. One of the last broadcasts we received was of a girl, couldn't be more than 7, eating her own fingers. Right down to the bone. Banging the side of her head against the wall"

"Autosarcophagy" blurted McKay, finally thawing from his horror-induced stupor. The old man looked up from the flames, almost confused at the outburst. "That-that's what it's called..." McKay trailed off, the real meaning of the word he had read so many times becoming evident on his face.

"Yeah," the old man said resuming his story. "By the end, that wasn't the last time we would see it." He balked at memories he would never share. "The official story was that they pulled out of the cities, abandoned them and the disease with them. They said they retreated to the outlier cities, miles away from the Mountain. They said that all the affected people were quarantined and being treated in a private facility. That didn't even fool people for a week. They didn't abandon the cities, they were overrun." He shrugged off his heavy fur coat as he warmed. "They never got them back under control. Most people in the cities were dead or mad within the first month. We started calling them the Dahl, or "Madness" in the Old Language. They were using the vents as a form of torturing their victims. The original Dahl, the tunnel workers, inadvertently turned hundreds more by locking them in cages in the tunnels for weeks. When they turned, they would let them out, and they would have new brethren. At least, thats what people say."

"We don't want your ghost stories." Ronon said gruffly. His voice rumbled against Lani's skin, the first sensation she could feel since coming out of the cold. It made her feel warm and she felt her skin come alive.

"No one knows everything about why or how it happened, but it is damn well happening so what difference does it make?" The old man's frustration boiled over. "You've seen what they can do, or else you wouldn't risk cold sickness and frostbite hiding in an ice cave all night. What more do you need to know?" His eyes went from Lani to Teyla.

"There are only about 30 in that group, you said there were hundreds." The whole group turned on Lani, it was the first lucid thing she had said since entering the hut. The old man's temper subsided into a sigh.

"When food and entertainment runs low in the cities, some form bands to raid the country side. Most of them are still in the cities on the mountain, that's why the villages are in the foothills. This group had around 60 members when I started following it around a year ago. They get killed by people defending themselves or when prey is scarce they turn on each other. That doesn't happen often though. They mostly kill animals and villagers. Their must be something about the way the Dahl smell, the stench of madness, because just acting and dressing like them doesn't work. It used to be a popular trick." He fiddled with something in his pocket. "A lot of people died before we realized that wouldn't work."

He had started to ramble. It was clear to Lani that he was lonely. He had been alone for a very long time and he was tired. He was almost in a trance, rattling off information that had been stored in his head, unspoken for years. He wasn't lying, but he wasn't telling the whole truth. It was hearsay and speculation. Survivor camp rumors. But he was alone now. Cold and alone in his transient house following a band of savages across the foothills in the middle of an unending winter.

"Can the energy from the mountain still be harnessed?" asked McKay, remembering the mission.

"No." the old man said resolutely. "The Dahl destroyed the force fields and energy barriers when the tunnels were lost. Even getting much closer to the mountain will cause migraines, then it just gets worse the closer you get."

"Does it go away?" Ronon asked. The old man didn't jump, but Lani's mind was clearing and she noticed an almost imperceptible flinch from the old man at the sound from the shadow behind Lani.

"The minor symptoms will. Migraines, fatigue, nausea, and even some cancer went into remission. But there is a point, a threshold, when the symptoms set, like glue. Once the worse symptoms start, the memory loss, the fugue states and the-" he shot a quick glance at McKay, "-the eating," he looked back, but still didn't make direct eye contact with Ronon. "there is no going back." In normal situations, she would attribute the old man's uneasiness to Ronon's size and intimidating mannerisms, but this man had just talked about slaughter, insanity and the downfall of his entire planet without so much as a grimace. The old man was hard to scare.

Nobody else seemed to notice, but it struck her as odd, and suddenly, she did not like the old man. A sudden, violent distrust came over her that made every seemingly innocent detail into a waving red flag. How could he find them in the snow when hungry demons could not? She had been too cold initially to question his actions or motives, but now she was coming alive. She realized quickly and with great relief, that Ronon was sitting in a obviously awkward position, which enabled him to be in between Teyla and Lani with McKay behind him and the old man directly in front of him. He had not been as affected by the cold and he was always wary of strangers. She realized that Ronon had been on high alert as soon as they stepped through the door.

There was a sound, somewhere outside. It sounded like an animal call, but not one Lani was familiar with. The old man jumped and turned pale, increasing Lani's suspicions. Behaviorisms were tricky, especially in stressful situations. He might just be intimidated by the large Sateadan, but he also might be thinking that Ronon was definitely the protector of the group, with him gone they would be an easy target. This wasn't true of course, Teyla was just as dangerous as Ronon, but with less of a temper. This was a situation she was not prepared for. No one she had ever analyzed had experienced this level of perpetual fear.

"Wait here." the old man said and he vanished like a ghost through the door. He moved far too well to be a simple man from a small village, he had stayed alive this long for a reason.


	7. VII

**A/N: Hi! Sorry for the wait! Thanks to my readers for the encouraging words and being patient with me! **

* * *

><p>The old man was out the door. The noise outside happened again, but this time it was different, sharper. Lani thought it sounded almost mechanical. It screeched and whined. And then it stopped abruptly. Ronon was at the door in an instant.<p>

"Ronon-" Lani started, but he held up his hand abruptly and disappeared into the darkness, his coat still drapped over Lani's shoulders.

"Sounds like heavy metal poisoning." McKay said. The others turned, obviously focused on the activities outside.

Sheppard turned slowly, distracted, "What?" he asked, almost annoyed by the distraction.

"Heavy metal poisoning". McKay said as if it were obvious, "Specifically, lead, maybe even an unknown metal. Tunneling and mining mountains can be very dangerous. Especially without proper measurements, responsible processing and disposal methods. Just look at some of the mining towns in the western United States! Twenty towns in Colorado and Oklahoma have been evacuated on government order in the last century! They were declared uninhabitable due to unregulated disposal of mining tailings that seeped into the ground water and poisoned _half_ the town!" He looked around at the confused faces with a beaming smile. "Don't you get it? We can treat them! If I can get back to my lab, I can synthesize-"

"No, we can't" Lani snapped, but instead of finding herself infuriated with McKay's arrogance, she felt herself collaborating with him, "The symptoms have progressed too far. Even if we had it, chelating agents only treat _acute_ heavy metal toxicity, and the Dahl are past savable. The neurological effects will never go away." She squirmed, trying to break free of the blanket shackles that she had been imprisoned in. "It's too late." She looked over at him, "But you're right, it does sound like lead poisoning."

"Can we pretend like some of us don't know what all goes into lead poisoning?" Sheppard said absentmindedly, watching the door with earnest. Ronon's absence put them all on edge. Her right arm finally burst through the blanket restraints, using it to assist her, she untangled the rest of her upper body, keeping the Ronon's coat wrapped around her shoulders.

"The symptoms are actually almost identical to what the old man said. Early symptoms are usually just general discomfort. Depression symptoms are really common: loss of appetite, fatigue, nausea, insomnia, low libido, muscle pain. Having an unusual taste in your mouth and personality changes are more specific warning signs." They all stared at her, waiting for her to continue. She had become the encyclopedia after all. She sighed and ran her hands through her mangled hair but stopped when she felt the massive knot where her braid had been, _guess_ _that's why I'm here_. She felt like she was giving a lecture again, "Once the central nervous system starts being effected, there is no going back. Delirium, memory loss, tremors, hallucinations, violent behaviors and convulsions begin and most, if any of them, will never go away with treatment." She said each word forcefully as if every syllable could save their lives.

She was awake now. Exhausted, weak and violently ill, but at least her mental faculties were up and running again. They were silent, listening for any movement from outside, digesting the information. Ronon burst silently into the room. He was covered in snow and his eyes were crackling with fire.

"There's a vehicle. Large. No lights. No way it could be Dahl. Looks like they're talking." He looked at Sheppard "To the old man." Ronon added, forcing his mistrust into every word.

"Everyone be ready. If this goes South we need to be able to move. Dr. Sanders, how are you feeling?" Sheppard was in go-mode.

"I feel like a fucking shit sandwich. Teyla, throw me those pants." She kept Ronon's coat on as she dropped her blankets and scrambled into her still damp clothes, shivering and coughing. Sheppard and Ronon were discussing escape routes.

"But- here's what I don't get." McKay paused beside a mostly dressed Lani, "People usually die by the time it gets half this bad. That man said it had been about two years. So, what's keeping those things alive?"

"I think they may have other metal poisonings too." She answered, addressing McKay individually this time, keeping her voice low to not disrupt the battle plans being formed next to them, "When he said 'people rotted away from the outside' it reminded me of the bubonic plague. That's why it is called the Black Death. It causes gangrene and the extremities to rot and fall off. However, when we saw them, their skin was discolored and peeling, but not necessarily rotting off." She said, leading McKay's thinking.

"Desquamation." McKay uttered. His face was plastered with the far-off gaze of 'genius at work'.

"It's caused by _Mercury_ poisoning" she said, nodding, seeing him understand, "_That_ would explain the sensitivity to light _and_ add to the emotional instability. It wouldn't explain their longevity, but we don't know of all the metals in the universe."

"Other metals..." McKay mumbled. They could hear him rattling off elements under his breath. He stopped dead. "Silver" he whispered. He pointed straight into Lani's eyes "Silver!" He exclaimed. The other team members turned their attention to their conversation.

"Silver? You can get poisoned by silver?" Ronon said disbelievingly. McKay began to nod quickly and vigorously.

"Absolutely! It has to be ingested or rubbed onto the skin, like in a lotion or mud. It causes your skin to turn bluish grey, as well as the whites of your eyes, but other than looking creepy, it's harmless." McKay stood up and began pacing the small room.

"If those vents were spewing metal dust from the mountain into the tunnels, the workers would be bound to swallow particles permeating the air. Also, they probably slept in the metal-riddled mud in the mines." She looked at McKay intensely, "Only the original workers in the tunnels would have silver poisoning, and _all_ of them would have it. It would be impossible to _not_ ingest it in those conditions."

"What about eating themselves?" Ronon asked.

Lani shrugged and shook her head, "There are a few diseases that _claim_ it as a symptom, but they are all inherited, _genetic_ diseases. Sometimes, rarely, it is seen in schizophrenics. I _guess_ it is possible that some sort of psychosis or pseudo-schizophrenia could be induced by exposure to some unknown heavy metal." Every word was excited, dripping with background knowledge and the thrill of the unknown. The wheels turning in her head were almost visible though the darting of her eyes and the high concentration that accompanied her mannerisms.

"I mean, would eating one of those things give you silver poisoning?" Sheppard said, never taking his eyes off the door.

Lani looked at him as horror consumed her face and then looked at McKay with her mouth open "Holy _shit_. Oh my god. The old man."

"What? Teyla said. "What about him?"

"The _eyes_! The _glasses_!" She grabbed McKay's arm and pointed straight into his eyes. "Eating someone with silver poisoning would turn the whites of your eyes dark blue!" His eyes grew large and his lips started moving, but no words came out.

The door popped open at that moment. All sorts of guns were pointed at the old man when he emerged from the cold. He looked more surprised than they were.

"Woooah!" The old man dropped the firewood he had gathered onto the dirt floor and threw his hands in the air. "What are you doing! Stop!" He pleaded.

"Take off your glasses." Teyla said sternly, without delay.

"My what?" The old man said, taken back by the oddity of the question.

"Take them OFF!" bellowed Ronon.

"Okay, OKAY!" He said. His dirty hands rose and pulled the rosy glasses off his face. His eyes shone out icy grey and fierce, underneath what looked like intentional smearing of coal on his eyelids.

"What is your name, old man?" Teyla asked, her voice still harsh.

"Old?" He said and looked around offended, "I am not _that_ old!" Ronon rushed him, pinning him to the wooden frame of the shelter, "Joneh! My name is Joneh!" He blurted quickly, cringing from Ronon's touch. Ronon released him as quick as he had attacked him and shook his head at Sheppard.

"What the hell is going on?!" He was panicking now, they heavily outnumbered him and now it was obvious that they were a little more than wary of him. His feigned surprise was only half believable.

"Who were you meeting with out there?" Ronon growled. "I saw the vehicle."

"No one! Just settlers! They're gone! I didn't tell them you were here! Wanted to know news of the Gilman's."

"Why are you pretending to have discolored eyes?" Lani said. She was cold now, body and soul. She could feel how close her limbs had come to death and decay and she was tired. She was tired of stories, of hints; she was tired of snow and of blood. She was tired of being scared. She wanted palm trees and gentle breezes. The old man looked at her with bewilderment and then his face fell, defeated.

"You can tell when people are sick. By the color." He gestured to his eyes. "At first it was just the Dahl you had to worry about, but sane men can be just as evil when given the chance." He had a distant look in his eyes, sad and reminiscent. He was a story-teller and he hadn't had anyone to talk to in a long time. She stood up on shaky legs, her upperbody still nearly naked, and crossed the small room slowly. Her skin was blotchy and flushed red with warming blood. Everyone was silent as she stopped in front of him and looked directly into his blizzard grey eyes.

"No more stories Joneh." Her patience was gone and her eyes were cold. "Facts." He cast his eyes around the room, trying to synthesize his thoughts under pressure. Ronon stepped toward Lani and Joneh instinctively drew back as the large Satedan approaching him. Ronon took Lani's elbow as she swayed on unstable muscles, supporting her weight. Joneh took a step back and closed his eyes.

They stood that way for a few moments. Joneh leaned lightly against the frame of the structure as he gathered his thoughts. Lani stood directly in front of him; weak, half naked and cold. She looked like a frail, old woman, demanding answers. She was made even smaller with Ronon towering next to her, unmoving, supporting her weight. The others stood around the small room, each expressing their nervousness in their own way. Sheppard stood by the door, shifting his weight anxiously from side to side. Teyla was unmoving but tense, ready for what was to come. McKay still huddled by the fire, looking from person to person, exasperated with waiting. Softly, Joneh started to speak.

"At this point," he began, "about half of survivors are cannibals." The words hung in the air like a poisonous gas. "There are bands of them, roaming the hills. No food can grow this close to the mountain, almost all animals have been wiped out, it's the only food left." He hung his head. "They started out just eating the Dahl, not feeling remorse for killing 'em. But their madness is in their blood. The survivors started getting sick. Not as bad as the Dahl, but similar." He gestured to his eyes again, "The poisoned meat makes the whites of their eyes go dark."

"It's the silver. They have heavy metal poisoning." McKay blurted.

"Whatever it is, that's how you tell who is a cannibal. It doesn't affect their skin like the Dahl, just the eyes. That's why I smear my eyes and wear the glasses. So they think that I'm one of them. But that alone wouldn't be enough. I-" he looked around at their suspicious faces, "I know the way only safe way into the tunnels. People still use the Source's energy if someone is willing to act as Collector." His eyes darted from face to face. "Most would rather die, having seen what would be their fate."

"But you're not _most_ people, right?" Sheppard asked, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

"_Most_ don't know what I know. They caught me, I was desperate, I agreed. If I just told them, they would have gone themselves and eaten me. I have to stay needed. The men and the Dahl now compete for a single food source. They need follow the Dahl close enough to know their movements, so that they can pick up their scraps or beat them to the healthy survivors. Untainted meat is rare and treasured. They are becoming more mad every day." He took off his hat and held it in his hands. At first she thought he was nervous or ashamed, but she realized that he was displaying his hidden secret. Criss-crossing scars bloomed outward from their center, spanning his skull, down the back of his neck, disappearing underneath the collar of his shirt. Radiation burns.

"Is that how you became scarred?" Teyla asked calmly, "Because you have to go into the tunnels to collect?" Joneh looked into her eyes and nodded.

"It's safe now. I had to make it safe though; I figured if I was going to have to go back all the time, I might as well make it as living-friendly as I could. I had to shut blast doors and move debris. I was sick for a few months after, but I made sure I could still move and work. No place for dead weight in this world now."

"How can you afford not to resort to their methods?" Teyla questioned.

"I haven't reached the same level of desperation yet." Joneh said simply.

"How?" Sheppard asked, incredulous, "How could you possibly not resort to this when everybody else has?"

The old man hesitated. Ronon lost the little patience that remained to him and drew his weapon, fully charged. "How?" he said softly. Frightened, Joneh turned to his large trunk by the wall and rummaged through clothes, blankets and basic medical supplies. He withdrew a small bottle with a blue label. He held it up for them to see.

"Nutrient supplements" Lani said, reading the bottle.

"If you don't mind never passing food between your lips again, these will give you everything you need." He looked down at the bottle with a mild disgust. "I have enough here for one more year probably, if I starve a little in the in between." He looked up at the team. "Took them out of a wrecked medical bay before the food ran out. We were raiding a compound for supplies." He scanned the room. "This is my last bottle. Two years and I never had to sink my teeth into the skin of a friend or stranger. That's more than most could say." He looked away, his eyes darting to the door.

"So, where are they? You went out to meet them, why haven't they come to get us yet." Lani asked.

"They didn't know you were here. I was on my way to the source when I found you. I went to meet them so they wouldn't see your tracks. They would be only too happy to get their hands on you."

"I saw another vehicle outside." Ronon turned to Sheppard, gun still trained on Joneh. "If we can get to it we can book it to the gate."

"Its out of juice, you'd have to go to the Source to recharge the cells."

"Is it worth it? How far are we from the gate? Can't we walk?" McKay said.

"If you want to walk for half of the day through Dahl territory, be my guest. Its a half hour to the entrance to the tunnels." He sat down on his wooden chest with Ronons gun still firmly placed in his face. "I can take you. I was on my way anyway." His eyes darted from person to person, perspiration beading on his forehead. He looked terrible, but his voice was steady. It was hard to reconcile the voice with the man, they gave two very different stories.

"You're being awfully helpful. Not gonna lie, I don't trust you." Sheppard was overly truthful and being chipper about it. "You say you didn't tell them we were here? Why would you do that? If you gave us up to be turned into stakes you would win some impressive leverage and trust in their group. Right?"

"Right. But I didn't. I don't need to; I am safe. They need me. No one but me knows the location of the entrance to the tunnels. They won't kill me."

"You would give that information willingly to five strangers." Teyla questioned. She drew nearer to Sheppard. Lani saw her hand twitch towards his, but her piercing gaze never wavered from Joneh's face. Lani's glance darted to Ronon, every muscle and ounce of focus was pouring toward the old man.

"Y'all are getting off this rock. I get you to the gate. You take me with you." He looked from person to person, hope glittering in his eyes.

"No." Ronon growled immediately.

"Ronon" Teyla placated.

"No" He repeated. "He's leading us right to them."

Sheppard sighed forcefully, "We have two choices," he said, turning to Ronon. "We can do this, then drive. Or. I can let you shoot him in the head and we chance it on foot." Sheppard was letting Ronon make this decision.

"I swear on my life I am not-" Joneh was cut off by a fully charged muzzled mashing into his nose. This whole time the gun's muzzle had not been 12 inches from his face, but this move took every inch he had to spare.

"Shut it." Ronon snarled. He kept his pistol pressed against Joneh's nose as he weighed the choices. He looked toward Lani. "Dr. Sanders-" Hearing her title escape his lips was foreign and uncomfortable. It was a question. He was asking her if it was a lie. He was counting on her to be awake now. To be watching, analyzing. So far, his nervousness and suspicious mannerisms all seemed to stem from the stress of Joneh thinking that they didn't believe him. The inconsistency of his voice and his mannerisms probably came from always pretending to be more scared than he was, to remain innocuous in the group. She gave Ronon a crisp, decisive nod. It seemed like the only choice, even if she was wrong.

He uncharged his gun and holstered it. He turned to Sheppard, "We do this quick. Then drive." He crossed the room to stand behind Sheppard and wait for his orders. Joneh turned and grabbed a pack and started loading supplies into it. He wanted to leave as soon as possible. Ronon stopped next to Lani, who was pulling her coat on over her still damp clothes. She held out his coat to him and he look hit slowly, staring into her face. His eyes were hard, almost terrifyingly intense. He nodded to her and put his hand over her entire left deltoid, which made her feel even smaller. Teyla moved to Sheppard's side and whispered close in his ear, her hand rested delicately on his bicep. He looked into her eyes and nodded.

"How far to the entrance? What kind of terrain are we in store for?" Sheppard said as Teyla took two steps back.

"It's about 200 yards to the Blade. It has a little juice, but with all of us, we could only drive a half mile. After that it's a pretty steep walk for a little over a mile. It'll be slow going, but almost never any Dahl. They like to be where people are"

"Fuck it." Ronon said. Not giving anyone a chance to think. "I hate it. It's the worst plan. Probably ever. But I don't see how else to do it." Lani looked at him. He was impressive; large dark brows hid observant, careful eyes. He was nothing that she ever thought she wanted. She liked stupid people. Non-observants that simply didn't notice all her shit. But he wasn't like that. He noticed. He listened. He just didn't judge. He was calm. He was always calm. Even when they faced death. He was calm.

"Agreed." She said simply. She was finally dressed and ready to go, if just a little damp. He looked at her a moment, then he moved. She felt as if he understood what she was feeling, but with everything happening she would be foolish to expect it from him.

They trounced their way to the Blade. It was a small vehicle. Only room for five inside, it had a ladder on the back, which Ronon held on to as they soared over the snow on wheels that looked like a snowmobile's. It felt like they were screaming through the snow. Blindingly, it bounced off the windshield. She wondered how Joneh could even see. After a few minutes the vehicle slowed and putted to a stop. The fuel cells were depleted. They piled out of the vehicle and looked around. Even at night the world was ablaze with the glow of the lightning above. It seemed to be never truly night on this planet. The fumes from the tunnels penetrated the air in columns rising from the Mountain miles off.

They loaded the fuel cells into 2 backpacks that Joneh and Ronon carried and started off on foot in single file. Joneh led with Sheppard close behind and Ronon bringing up the rear. Lani was very cold. They kept walking. She had taken one of the blankets from the shack to provide her with some added warmth. It was an extremely hairy hide of some sort and it felt like it weighed 20 pounds with the snow falling on top of her. She looked like a small bear or buffalo struggling her way through the trees and snow. The under brush started to get denser and less willing to lay down under her boots. She didn't fall this time, but she felt weak and sluggish, both her body and her mind. A ringing noise had begun in her ears; she shook her head to get the odd feeling out of her neck.

Ahead, it appeared that they were walking straight into a rock face at the base of the Mountain. She saw no entrance yet, half wondering if they would try to get rid of Joneh when they had what they wanted. She hoped they wouldn't, but stress does weird things to someone's brain. When they were about 20 feet from the slab of rock that shot straight up into the Mountain they took a sharp left into a thicket of trees. Hidden in the thicket was a large bush that was right against the mountain. Joneh approached the bush and maneuvered it to the side revealing a small opening into the mountain. It was about 3 feet wide and 6 feet high, allowing them access into the tunnels. Their was a warm, yellow-orange glow radiating from the enterance, but instead of looking warm and comforting like a fire, it reminded Lani of a microwave, pulsing poisonous waves of radiation out from its core. One by one the company disappeared into the Mountain single file. Ronon pulled the giant bush into its place behind him as he ducked into the opening behind Lani.


End file.
